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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The deepest feardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dylanpoe
    ASL Info:    21 m la
    Elite Ratio:    4.09 - 322/332/56
    Words: 246
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1446
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1578



    Description:
       If you read from beginning to the end, you won't need a description. please if you view, comment. it aint that hard


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe deepest feardots
    -------------------------------------------


    Is the deepest fear coming home
    from work and finding yourself alone
    going to this site everyday
    hoping to find explanations for
    the things you write and say

    Is the deepest fear, trying to find the equation
    to avoid incarceration, without determination
    i speak for you, i will definitely talk of me
    and yes my critics say that's hard to believe

    but how can you have fear
    when just last year
    you didnt have a critic,
    you couldn't find that extra gear
    I know that it's not just me
    close your eyes, the truth you'll soon see

    I don't have the best format by far
    and my rhymes will never reach
    the heights or the stars
    i've took a dip into love and sadness
    and i've caused some laughs and madness
    but that doesn't take the pen from my hand
    bully? come on from this seat, is where I stand

    Emotionless and senseless, I've been called
    but not once has my imagination stalled
    Some come from experience, others from heart
    I really don't care if someone comes alone
    and tears it apart

    My biggest fear is the emotion will slowly fade
    like the hype of O J or the legend of M J
    the pen has its own destiny to run outta ink
    but hopefully a common fools word
    will make you think
    twice, before letting this art, no matter the cause
    become tarnished and to the graves; SINK




    Submitted on 2005-06-22 01:27:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Gosh, this reminds me so much of when I first came to ES and posted up a few poems. Poems that I had written from my heart, that I thought were pretty darn good. And after a few comments of others, nit picking at every detail, I almost decided to keep my writes to myself...lol.

    But I realized that for the most part people only give advice because they would like to see you improve.. and also this IS a critique forum. But still, it doesn't feel so good when a bad comment is left...but for some reason I'd rather have that than no comment at all. Does that makes sense?.

    Now that I'm done rambling (lol)...I'll say that I enjoyed reading this. Just know you're not alone. We all have doubts at times about our writings and what others may think of it. Don't ever stop writing.

    I also got from this that you are hyped about writing your thoughts out and having others read them.. and you have a fear that it will pass. I can relate to that as well.

    Take care...and keep posting.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      You have pure talent honey. You really do. I wouldn't have ever started stalkin you if you didn't. Often your worst critic is yourself. And you can over criticize. You have true talent. If you didn't...you would have never picked the pen up to begin with.

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a pretty interesting poem. The format needs a little tweaking (it's hard to follow the way the lines are set up) but other than that it it is really good. This is an original piece, touching on an aspect I haven't seen very often. I also like the tone. It feels not like anger, or depression or angst, but of calm, reserved wisdom. It reminds me of the teacher on 187 when he finally snaps and plays russian roulette with Cesar. ...Nevermind.
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Raistlin Sith | [ Reply to This ]
      Good poem! It was very interesting to read, full of thought and expression! I'm not sure I liked the ending though starting with the word twice. It kinda throws the flow out of whack and the very last line really doesn't seem to work here. i like the line "the pen has its own destiny to run outta ink" Its an obvious statement yet very meaningful and fits really well with the theme. Maybe also, in the fifth stanza the word alone should be along? Otherwise I liked this write! It is thought provoking and well spoken! Nice work! Take care!
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Never criticize your own work man. You do what you do for a reason. If people want to down it or down you just keep striving forward and leave them behind. You have your own way with words and that alone deserves respect. Just stay yourself and keep your head up high. Be proud of what you do!

    Dialo
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Xtremebiter | [ Reply to This ]
      You really put yourself out there! It's very true...everyone has their own style and no one can cut you down for that. I've enjoyed reading your pieces and can honestly say that you have a talent. There's an old saying to remember...

    "Those who know don't say, those who say, don't know".

    I've found that to be very true. Keep doing what you do. This is how we deal with life. Half the time it's what saves our life. Just remember, you do have fans! :)
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved the biting honesty in this - Im sure everyone can relate to this to some degree. The idea that at the bottom of it all, you're a writer and all you have is your pen and imagination, is a really nice touch - although you could probably have summed up everything in a few less stanzas. The simple style only helped to emphasise the honest feeling, so well done. Keep up the genuine writes.
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Von Django | [ Reply to This ]
      Saweetness! This is going to my favs. I have to say, this is pretty true. You can work on a poem for hours, love the turnout and post it, then get all these people saying something different than what you believe. But it's when you take your pen and write some more that tells you just how words won't bring you down, but make you wanna write some more. Can't wait to hear some more from you!
    Take care,
    ~Steph~
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by HurtDeepDown | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?



    63759

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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