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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: From the Room Next Doordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HurtDeepDown
    ASL Info:    24/F/OHIO
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 165/161/42
    Words: 325
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 767
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1954



    Description:
       I really couldn't tell you how I came up with the story-line of this. I was just in one of those depressing, "there's nothing to do" kind of moods. I just started writing and came up with something. It's just about finding yourself and giving up and just how it effects those you would have never imagined. Hope you like it.


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    dotsFrom the Room Next Doordots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sadly enough I know why you weep,
    You think Godís too good for you,
    Yet he hears the prayers to send to him from whispers,
    I know cause I hear them too.

    Hard to believe, I know what you think,
    At times you wish to die,
    Just to discover your afterlife,
    But you have morals to live by.

    I know lifeís tough,
    But you have a family who cares,
    And a bullet wonít prove anything,
    Lifeís just not that fare.

    I sat and listened from the room next door,
    And I heard that last prayer you sent to God,
    Itís one Iíll always remember,
    one I wished to stop.

    Dear God,

    At times I looked to you for answeres I could not seek,
    And you never gave me courage to live through,
    I never heard an answer given to me,
    So Iíd cry alone in my room.

    Sure my parents care and want to help,
    But I was looking up towards you,
    And Iíd pray things would go my way,
    yet succeeded only few.

    I wanted you to step up for me,
    And save me from my hell,
    So now I'll just stop believing in you,
    There are no more prayers for me to tell.

    This may be our very last,
    Itís time for me to go again,
    To search for my own answered,
    Hope you're happy, Amen.

    I couldnít believe what I was hearing,
    Just another stolen soul,
    taken by one so evil,
    Left a story untold.

    The bullet set off, leaves a scar in my heart,
    That day you passed away,
    Left me here thinking,
    about why you couldn't stay.

    I hope you know I looked to you for answers I could not seek,
    And you never gave me courage to live through,
    I never heard an answer given to me,
    So Iíd listen to your prayers alone in my room.




    Submitted on 2005-06-22 08:42:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a great poem, I really liked this. At first I thought it was guna be another one of those typicaly morbid poems but it took a turn with the letter, very original. Also the way tou talk about the suicide with a slight anger is v real. My mam was at a funeral recently of a young guy who killed himself and came home cryin and begging her kids not to kill ourselves not to do that to her. This poem is v true to life, the emotions and how express them are so realistic. Also the god issue is v interesing, reminds me of a story we wer told in religion class wen we wer kids,bou this guy whos drowning and ask god for help, a boat sails by and someone trys to help him and he says no i'm finr gods gunna help me. and he drowns. anyway the line about the family caring but still losing faith,reminded me of that.a v thought provoking piece.
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by popular_myth | [ Reply to This ]
      Man, you sure can make a man nearly cry! God is never too good. THis was a well written poem. You told a story that I liked reading. And most of all, you gave a positive roll on this. You spoke pure wisdom. I like that.

    Dialo
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Xtremebiter | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a filled with emotions that most readers will be able to relate to...I'm sure at one time we have all felt alone...I know there have been many times I have prayed and felt like I was not receiving answers...but I learned to listen...not all answers are what we want them to be.

    You do need to work on the format of this piece a bit...there were some stanzas where it appears you forced some rhyme, there are a few spelling errors but those are not uncommon...I know I do that all the time.

    As I said a very powerful piece...
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, very powerful poem!
    You really run the gamit of emotions here, and put the reader in the picture very well before taking them to the room next door to overhear the prayer.
    Not much to criticize, a couple of typos is all, I really liked it a bunch! Makes you wonder who you're not listeng to....
    well done

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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