Description: it's Eleventh in my Alice Series. i call it Quicksand.
Alice XI Quicksand -------------------------------------------
i've been lost in this wood
for a good many years
i'd forgotten my name
and now you materialise
like an image in polaroid film
you want to know if i still play chess
well, i've lost my taste for strategy
but stay with me, dear Chesire Cat
don't disappear again
i was off chasing rabbits
i was off chasing the moon
off on a fool's errand
and i took a wrong turn
you were gone before i knew it
you left me by the lake
how i wailed and screamed for you
why didn't you hear me?
see the corpses lying in the leaves?
i sacrificed them all just for you
pathetic men who came slinking like curs
seeking to compete with what you were
i tore them apart with my hands and my teeth
this forest is my altar to you
i've been here so long
my clothes have decayed like those leaves
my hair grew and tangled
in the roots of your tree
my fingernails turned into claws
and i almost resemble you
are you shocked?
i am, after all, a looking glass
and i've adapted to suit my surroundings.
this lake turned to swamp long ago.
i have waited waist deep in the mud
i lost my reason
i lost my voice calling for you
lost hope and stopped counting the seasons
on my calander branch
come closer, beloved,
mind the quicksand
throw me the rope
throw me the rope.
oh momma its a good poem now seeing as i am your feral is rae rae your chesire or gary or maybe "uncle" steve over all it was intristing what happens next? i love the references to growing wild and you no evil it was all very kewl and morbid with the references to sacrafices and alters! lub ya carri
I am so sorry, that I turned a deaf ear to your calls...I am trying now to weave that rope, I want it to be strong enough to pull all of us out of the swamp. As to commentary, this is very well written and strongly emoting. One of the most powerful I've seen from you in a good bit. Although I may be biased...;} Little does Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha realize how little readership this name truly brings.
Of all the instances of repetition here, I enjoy the double at the end best. I think when you go three and four times, it wears a bit thin. I'm talking about IwasIwasIwas and ILostILostILost. It's striclty personal preference, of course, but I think if you just modify the last instance ever so subtly, like,
i was off chasing rabbits i was off chasing the moon, off on a fool's errand.
i lost my reason i lost my voice calling for you lost hope and stopped counting the seasons
For some reason that I can't give an exact name to, these don't seem to run stale for me.
But we all have different tastes, naturally.
Did love the ending, isn't it what we all need, A good length of rope? Salvation one way or another. Dave
huh wow, this is certainly a unique piece. . . The imagery was great, i mean it's been a while since i've heard such creative metaphors. . . i enjoyed it very much. . . The reference to Alice in Wonderland is what kept me reading on. . . I love that book and movie, and you captured the mystery and wonder of it well in that part. . . Though simple message you were able to express it in a way all yer own, and it made me love it. . . you created a great work of art ha ha ha ha with an awesome title. . . that was possibly my favorite part. . . though the whole thing was worthy of being called wonderful. . . You should draw in a lot of reader with a title like that. . . good luck with everything and take care . . . Adios! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .