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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Alice XI Quicksanddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ruejacobs
    ASL Info:    39/feminazi/Gehenna
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 619/473/167
    Words: 252
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1053
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1605



    Description:
        it's Eleventh in my Alice Series. i call it Quicksand.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlice XI Quicksanddots
    -------------------------------------------


    i've been lost in this wood
    for a good many years
    i'd forgotten my name
    and now you materialise
    like an image in polaroid film
    you want to know if i still play chess
    well, i've lost my taste for strategy
    but stay with me, dear Chesire Cat
    don't disappear again
    i was off chasing rabbits
    i was off chasing the moon
    off on a fool's errand
    and i took a wrong turn
    you were gone before i knew it
    you left me by the lake
    how i wailed and screamed for you
    why didn't you hear me?

    see the corpses lying in the leaves?
    i sacrificed them all just for you
    pathetic men who came slinking like curs
    seeking to compete with what you were
    i tore them apart with my hands and my teeth
    this forest is my altar to you

    i've been here so long
    my clothes have decayed like those leaves
    my hair grew and tangled
    in the roots of your tree
    my fingernails turned into claws
    and i almost resemble you
    are you shocked?
    i am, after all, a looking glass
    and i've adapted to suit my surroundings.

    this lake turned to swamp long ago.
    i have waited waist deep in the mud
    i lost my reason
    i lost my voice calling for you
    lost hope and stopped counting the seasons
    on my calander branch

    come closer, beloved,
    mind the quicksand
    now:
    throw me the rope
    throw me the rope.




    Submitted on 2005-06-22 13:54:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      oh momma its a good poem now seeing as i am your feral is rae rae your chesire or gary or maybe "uncle" steve over all it was intristing what happens next? i love the references to growing wild and you no evil it was all very kewl and morbid with the references to sacrafices and alters! lub ya carri
    | Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      I am so sorry, that I turned a deaf ear to your calls...I am trying now to weave that rope, I want it to be strong enough to pull all of us out of the swamp.
    As to commentary, this is very well written and strongly emoting. One of the most powerful I've seen from you in a good bit. Although I may be biased...;}
    Little does Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha realize how little readership this name truly brings.

    - His Assholiness
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by His Assholiness | [ Reply to This ]
      Of all the instances of repetition here, I enjoy the double at the end best. I think when you go three and four times, it wears a bit thin. I'm talking about IwasIwasIwas and ILostILostILost. It's striclty personal preference, of course, but I think if you just modify the last instance ever so subtly, like,

    i was off chasing rabbits
    i was off chasing the moon,
    off on a fool's errand.

    Or

    i lost my reason
    i lost my voice calling for you
    lost hope and stopped counting the seasons

    For some reason that I can't give an exact name to, these don't seem to run stale for me.

    But we all have different tastes, naturally.

    Did love the ending, isn't it what we all need,
    A good length of rope? Salvation one way or another.
    Dave
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      huh wow, this is certainly a unique piece. . . The imagery was great, i mean it's been a while since i've heard such creative metaphors. . . i enjoyed it very much. . . The reference to Alice in Wonderland is what kept me reading on. . . I love that book and movie, and you captured the mystery and wonder of it well in that part. . . Though simple message you were able to express it in a way all yer own, and it made me love it. . . you created a great work of art ha ha ha ha with an awesome title. . . that was possibly my favorite part. . . though the whole thing was worthy of being called wonderful. . . You should draw in a lot of reader with a title like that. . . good luck with everything and take care . . . Adios! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Travis. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]


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