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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Insomnia and a bit of Paindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 727
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 701



    Description:
       THis is mostly written for my sister...she is in pain and I am not and I write better sad stuff than happy so yeah this is just this and tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInsomnia and a bit of Paindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hiding under covers
    transparent sheets that we slept in together
    once was our bed, now it's my bed
    and I'm not sleeping so much anymore

    Hiding behind doors
    open frames that we were suppose to shut
    once was our door now it's my door
    and I'm not standing so well now

    Hiding in the bathtub
    where I can drown
    or fill the room with blood
    once I was yours now I'm just mine
    and I'm not myself so much now

    Hiding from dreams
    where I can be broken again
    cause this is the only place that you play anymore
    but even here you don't want me




    Submitted on 2005-06-22 18:44:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is still so beautiful to me.
    | Posted on 2017-07-15 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      You make me so sad, This makes me cry every time I read it. How'd you get in my head? well, I guess I talk about how I feel enough for you to know, huh?
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Well this was good. The flow seemed to be a little off, but it was still good. It shows that you have a lot of potential.
    Cheers,
    ~Persephone~
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how you depict the separation after you recollect them being together. You seem to lose the flow and rhythm of the poem in the last stanza. Your word choice is eloquent yet earthy. good potential.
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by literary lover | [ Reply to This ]
      This was great. Sort of depressing. You alwayz have a way to write in a "depressed" way. This is very heart felt and I think it has a lot of true meaning. I've noticed that you don't like to ryhme in your poems. I like that a lot. I have to rhyme or I get way the [censored] off. lol. Oh...you need to e-mail me 2. Jess gave me her phone number so I might call there. Hope you're there.

    Peace.
    Steven
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]


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