Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

You Know Who


Author: mcgovern_xiii
ASL Info:    35/M/NewEngland
Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 70 /91 /26
Words: 42
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1023
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 284



Description:


This was writen about someone I thought was a friend but in the end had his own agenda.


You Know Who



Enclosed in a world,

You.

So much you feel
so little you share,

You.

With a smile you lie
so little is real,

You.

Then in the end
you hope for a friend,

Who?




Submitted on 2005-06-22 19:27:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Short and succinct. Some pieces are best left like that.

Nice use of line breaks, it definitely seems right the way you spaced it.

Who hasn't had a friend like that? False friends are everywhere, aren't they? It takes a while to identify who are true to you no matter what, and who aren't.

As always, poetry should describe something. And you did it with this piece quite well, in such short words. Thank you
| Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  I'd end with a question mark rather than a full stop after 'Who', but thats purely a personal preference....I think it signifies the realisation of the narrator, and his denial of this false friendship....but its up to you

I only hope you realised this sooner rather than later, and werent too burnt by it....

Its short, succinct and to the point...a mixture of contained anger and wistful regret....very nicely done

All the best,

Katia
| Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



63853