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All she could she say was "why"...

All he could think was " why"....

She couldnt sit, he couldnt stand.

So she stood against the wall, with her arms crossed.

He sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

The kids, laid in their beds, covering their ears, hugging each other.

"What could I have done different?" was her inside thought, but she yelled " your a pethetic bastard, and I hate you."

He thought " How could i let it go so far?", but he just yelled " Your never there for me!"

Pissed, she said "What? you dont understand I have to work full time, and take care of these damn kids? You dont understand that I'm tired? Im not your superwoman James! I didnt marry you to be your slave.
Im your wife!
Im the mother of your kids!
Im your support system!
Who helped pay for you to go back to school? Who was there for you when no one gave a fuck about ya ass when your were on drugs?
Who had faith in you when you were going through withdrawal?
ME!!!!!!
Not her!
Me!!!
This is how you treat me?
Just cause I cant fuck you 24/7, you go out and fuck some slut?"

She got in his face.
She pushed him.
She slapped him.
She yelled so he would hear her,
all he heard was pain.

He got angry.
Not at her,
but at her words.
Her words cut like rusty knives.
It didnt cut clean the first time,
so it kept cutting, slowly,
small,
angonizing,
cuts.

She wouldnt make it easy,
she wanted him to suffer.
She wanted him to feel the pain
of a fustrated wife.

Instead, he felt the guilt of a married man. A man who was about to lose everything.

"Your never home! I need you! Dont you get that? I need you baby!!"

"NO, you need sex."

She got on her knees, in front of his face. She took him by the hands. She looked him in the eyes.

She looked deep into his eyes; almost to the surface of his soul.
She wanted to see the remorse of a hurt man, that made a mistake. She wanted to see the pain, so maybe she could find it in her heart to forgive the man she loved. She so desperately wanted to forgive. She thought, that if she did, maybe she could have back the life, she was about lose.
Intead, all she could see, was a women riding her husband of 10 years, the father of her children, her rock, her life in the bed she made every morning. The women laughed and pointed at her, calling her a fool.

She got so angry, that she slapped him across his face in a fit of rage. She didnt mean to slap him, she wanted to slap the women out of the eyes of the man she loved. She wanted to be the woman he saw. She wanted to be the apple of his eye. She wanted to in his eyes, close to his soul.

He looked at her.
He saw a woman.
A dead woman.
He saw the once enthusiastic,
outspoken, lively woman he married.
He saw the woman he loved to see smile. Her smile used to be so bright and brilliant.
He took that away from her.
He took her soul.
He had her heart, her life, her happiness, in his hands. He swore to protect it the day he said "I do".
If only he could have protected it from himself.

And so they cried.

He grabbed her by the arms, and lifted her up to his chest and hugged her. And he whispered these words in a broken voice surounded by tears her ear:
" I love you. You are my everything. I didnt realize it in the 10 years I had with you. It took this bullshit to make me realize. I had to hurt you to realize....
I threw it all away. Im not the man we thought I was. Baby, if i was I would have brought my ass home to you every night. I know you try to be the best woman, wife, and mother you can possibly be. I just couldnt see it."

And she saw it.
She saw the remorse, and the pain.
And she thought it would have made her want to take him back. So she said:

" I love you too. I always will. My heart, is your home. But all that bullshit you just said IS NOT ENOUGH. Not only did you fuck her, you did it unprotectedly, and now you have AIDS. You killed yourself. Maybe even me. I can forgive you cheating on me. But I cant forgive you almost taking my life, and the lives of our children."

And even though this marriage was over, and these two human beings could no longer live out the lives they once dreamed of having together, for the last time they laid in their bed. They held each other tight, and held on for dear life, as the cried themselves to sleep, and wished this was all a dream. They were still in love, still considered each other soul mates. This would be the last night that they would share. So they put away all the bad times, and thought of the good. The truth hurt worse then they thought, and maybe it should. He will always love her she will never love again, hopefully they will recover from this, hopefully this wont be their end.