Off the top of my head by lone

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Submission Name: Off the top of my head dots

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Author:	lone_one
ASL Info:	19 male california
Elite Ratio:	3.43 - 43/42/16
Words:	121

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	259
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	609

Description:

Off the top of my head dots

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How many things can one desire?
What time does a heart exaust?
but never tire
am I a fool? For wanting to love
something That is not here
I need to see clear
from eyes dry of tears,
wishing for a night to end my fears
close my heart of this perfect pain...
Will you call to me? upon this glass floor
stretch a loving arm, and love me once more, dance with me, embrace my limbs
Run with me
hold my hand
lachrymose and fading away with a smile...
dead in a perfect dream...

Submitted on 2005-06-23 02:30:26 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  wow.. like WOW.. this one is really really good... defintily one of my favorites... my favorite lines are
am I a fool? For wanting to love
something That is not here
I need to see clear
from eyes dry of tears,
wishing for a night to end my fears
close my heart of this perfect pain...

this is really really good.. i cant wait to read the rest of yours :)
danielle
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by sacred_tears | [ Reply to This ]
  men them ladies must have gotten to you what did you give them too much love try the other way round you might be lucky, next expressive movement just watch your spellings thats all and if you have been lost in love that is a good foundation for a great love epic.
| Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by webdevil | [ Reply to This ]
  You used the word 'perfect' in here twice, and both times they fit very well. Certain words mean a lot more than others, like 'perfect', 'love' and 'hate'. When people use them in writing I often see them OVERused, and MISused. You did very well with the extremes here. I enjoyed the desperation and depression, I can most definately relate to the emotion and longing. This is very good, keep it up.

Staticly,
Darin
| Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by bloodwing | [ Reply to This ]
  If this was a litteral poem I might be worried about you, but I am going to assume is if semi- figurative. I think you did a great job. It was like you brought me to a road with many directions(metaphor) and you slowly narrowed down the exactness of you directions. If you did that on purpose then I am way out of my legue, if not then you got a really good hidden talent there nuture it.
| Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]

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