Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Silent Icedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LadyChaos
    ASL Info:    19/F/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 718/606/95
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1040
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 853



    Description:
       In my thoughts....hell is cold.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSilent Icedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Remember nights of velvet wine,
    When love was our unwhispered lullaby?
    It's potency was so much greater then.

    It had the strength to give us wings,
    To carry us beyond the stars,

    And now, it's barely strong enough to keep conversation.

    Don't misunderstand, we've had our silences before.

    But they were different;
    They sang of quiet devotion, and unprofessed emotion.
    Before, the silence shared was comforting and warm.

    Now, it is hollow--like an ache.

    So cold, that if I spoke, my words would freeze.
    My fingers are too numb to feel your hand.
    This silent ice crept into our life, and my world became so cold.

    I still shiver when you hold me in your arms.






    Submitted on 2005-06-23 06:35:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey Lady,

    I just saw that you were the longest lived member on ES I had ever seen, so I stopped by to read some of your stuff.

    It was nice the way the love changed with time, and the 'Silent Ice' line was nice. It's kind of like those slow motion scenes of ice crystals spreading across a watery surface.

    I think you might improve the flow by adding a word to the first line and taking one or two out of the second.

    'Remember nights of velvet wine,
    When love was our unwhispered lullaby?'

    (Remember the nights of velvet wine,
    our love an unwhispered lullaby?)

    Just my thoughts.

    Donn

    p.s. There's a poem on my page that's just for you. It's called... 'A Poem'
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
      very well spoken. i like the careful wording and the clarity. although you had many oppurtunities to go scampering off into the metaphors, you held your tongue and let the universality of the images take the reader to his own conclusion. i myself often find myself hijacking my readers and forcing them to come along to the dungeons i have constructed. your poem is flawless and delicate.
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it wow!!! it great i think your a great wrighter ... wow!wow!wow! i cant stop saying that






    ~alene~
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by GrIm:)ReApEr | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful. You did very well getting both the story and the emotion through to the reader. This is well structured as well; the stanzas change where the statement changes. It doesn't look like you felt the need to stick with three lines per stanza or whatever- am I making sense? I sure hope I am. I can almost relate, but not so much... No, not making any sense...

    Anyway, this is very good.

    Honestly,
    Darin
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by bloodwing | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! YIKES!
    this is incredible!
    the way your voice comes through in the piece... evidently cold towards he who once was your warmth in life.
    the silence and the difference between this kind and the silent adoration kind is brilliantly well expressed and i know exactly what you mean.

    really you have used quite few words to portray a very huge chunk of life and experience... the nature of the write is cold and standoff ish and yet there are hints of warmth in the memories revealed...

    seriously i am impressed by this write immensly. i am off to bed now but when i get a chance i am back on your page to check the rest of your stuff out... i remember reading your stuff ages ago and liked it so im gonna be back right soon... ciao for now
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This is on impressive poem. I should have looked you up sooner. It is a very original style you used which is dangerous, but you pulled it off with out a problem. I will tell you my favorite part is the last line it came so strong it was a show stopper. The mark of greatness is when the reader reads the last word and goes wow. I if you look at your other comments, someone has beat me to it.
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]
      This hit home! (see "Superrnova") You so authentically discribe the subtle and no so subtle changes in a relationship where the flame has died leaving only icy distance - a chasm that cannot crossed! Lovely! thank you!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my god.This poem was outstanding.While reading,it scared me.Having a b/f and given the thought of maybe fallin in love and it growing so much it grew to far.So far to become frozen.Very good.
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by ArtichokeMosher | [ Reply to This ]
      I get where you're coming from in the poem. I also like how you were able to make the title fit into the poem. The poem overall was very creative although I feel the ending wasn't complete. The poem definately inspired me though! Keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Midnight_Rose | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    63909

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Records I written by Raphael
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    untitled written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry