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    dots Submission Name: Beast withindots

    Author: Silver20G
    ASL Info:    28/M/Wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 158/109/25
    Words: 178
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 905
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1079

       I watched a movie about a girl who turned into a werewolf slowly I think it was called Ginger snaps. I wonder what I would do and why I would do it. You should check out the movie. It is not bad.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeast withindots

    When blood colors the moon I'm unable to sleep.
    Trapped in its's gaze I fight my bestial release.
    I lay in my bed pressed against the post.
    I lay, starring, preparing, for the beast's approach.
    It made it's self known after a friend and I fought.
    Then it killed his father without a second thought.
    When it attacks it drains you sucking your life like a leech.
    And it's howl is so sharp you could die from its speech.
    I've crushed it for years and it returnes remained.
    It's claws in my throat scratching driving me insane.
    We're in my chest and we beat and we break.
    We welp in pain while my body is reshaped.
    I'm watching you in the park from the shawdows of trees.
    When you look in my eyes the fear makes you freeze.
    I have not met another with a natural like me.
    whose insides and outsides change so litteraly.
    I know why I do it why death is all I see.
    Maybe if I take enough of you I'll lose my humanity.

    Submitted on 2005-06-23 06:55:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really like your writting.
    I like how you put you and the beast as one.
    And how you don't mention what the beats is but make it obvious to tell.
    Very intelligent.
    | Posted on 2007-10-04 00:00:00 | by Xx_bang_bang_ | [ Reply to This ]
      This is most interesting. I can see the references to the werewolf here but I also see alot more that is deep and dark and hidden in all of us. I think we all have another side to us. We can be gentle and nurturning and loving but yet when provoked we can also be very aggressive and mean with a chill that would freeze rain. I have known several people in my life that I could see the "jeckyl and hyde" personality with and as I thought about it more, I think it exists in all of us with varying degrees and differences in what sets us off. However, I could be reading too much into this one, but I just wanted to share what these words mean to me. A very powerful poem in my opinion. Nicely written. Take care.

    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very well written. The rhyme doesn't seem forced and the story is clear. At the very end there is a good sense of closure, or at least understanding, and the begining sparks curiousity and interests the reader. It stays interesting through and through, and you don't over or under describe. Nicely done.

    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by bloodwing | [ Reply to This ]
      So this is supposed to be a poem about being a werewolf/beast
    Well I say interesting because most people don't write things like this
    I give you props on originality
    I'm iffy about the "We" parts
    Like a split personality thing
    Either way it was good
    Best of Luck
    Big Bill-
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! That was dark, raw and powerful! Of course we all struggle with the beast within part of our heritage. I liked the procession in your story - Flashes of "The werewolf" came to mind, i
    "I have not meet another with a natural like me.
    whose insides and outsides change so litteraly."

    BTW why meet rather than met?
    Anyway nicely done!

    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't really get down with movies like that, but you did give that same feeling with this write. I could only imagine being bate for a beast. Watching it approach. you can't do anything but sit there. Such pain!

    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Xtremebiter | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't even have to read the description to recognize you were talking about a werewolf, it was very descriptive, and I got the meaning on the first line. The feeling and emotions were very well portrayed, and I loved the beginning about the moon, it added a dramatic effect and it grips the readers interest!

    As for what could be improved, The flow was a little off, that was pretty much it. You started out really good with the flow, but then it gradually got inconsistent torwards the end. but otherwise, I loved how you matched the rhymes, and the concept is excellent, Great Job!

    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Indelible_ink | [ Reply to This ]

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