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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 5 Months Too Late?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _winky_
    ASL Info:    25/f/minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 664/529/96
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1132
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 714



    Description:
       i know it sucks, needs work done. but hope u like it anyway. thanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots5 Months Too Late?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I thought by waiting
    Id bring us nearer
    I thought by waiting
    Id fix this mirror

    A month went by
    I sat all alone
    Thirty long days
    A silent cell phone

    Sixty days past
    My tears start to fall
    Every single night now
    I pace in the hall

    And yet here I sit
    On day ninety five
    Slowly Im dying
    Losing my internal drive

    Its four months today
    Since we last emailed
    All Ive sent since
    Have returned and failed

    So in one more week
    Will it be too late?
    Or will you finally,
    End my long wait?







    Submitted on 2005-06-23 13:11:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I dont think this sucks at all! You should take more pride in your work, it is quite good! This is so sad and heartfelt and I can relate to these feelings, I have been there! Time really does tell all you know. If it was meant to be than it will be and if not time will tell you. Better to know and move on than to live in some fantasy! Life is too short. Anyway, nice poem! Take care!
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This wasn't bad at all! You expressed the painful longing in a very real and poetic way. It's really nice. You know what I mean. I totally understand how this feels also. It's the crappiest feeling in the world-especially when there's nothing you can do. But as stated previously, if it was meant to be...it'll be. Hang in there!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      This is not bad at all all you expressed yourself, something that's expected in poetry... I can relate to this cuz I have lots of email buddies and when one of us doesn't log on for a long while we start to wonder.. are they ok? did I do something wrong? is the contact slipping away?
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]
      Good day mate. This was a pretty heart felt longing poem...so in that sense it was good...the rhyming seemed a bit generic/clich, but other than that you done just finey fine mmmmmmmmk? :)

    Keepwritingandstuffcuzidon'tlikethespacebar!

    Stw
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know...the rhyming in this seemed very forced and that disrupted the flow of this. I would try to re-word some of the more awkward phrases such as "losing my internal drive"

    Otherwise, not too bad...
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      I wouden't know how that feels, but I almost came close to something like that.

    Are you writing from personal expeirences. Or did you just wright this cause you felt like it? Then if you did than that means you are kinda like me. Some of the stuff that I write are not from personal expeirences. I just write what ever comes to mind. Keep writing please!
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by akaietowa-ru_18 | [ Reply to This ]
      I didnt read your comments so forgive me if i am but an echo lol...

    LOOOOOOVED this piece...loved the rhyme loved the flow loved the content...loved it all...yea that's a cheesy comment but at least it's honest...

    I may be biased though seeing how im going through the same thing...anyhoo instant fav
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]


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