Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To a childhood gone missingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Boom-boom
    ASL Info:    17, female
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 56/54/25
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Misc/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 937
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 674



    Description:
       When writing,I was recalling how I used to play red rover all the time when I was younger . finding it weird that most people just a few grades below have already experienced more "mature" things. Any thoughts are good.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo a childhood gone missingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Almost over
    never done
    Play red rover
    bask in the sun
    Fading youths
    mirrors of consequence
    Too many real truths
    left in places of circumstance
    I want the chill of childhood
    to stay in me forever

    Too many people ready to grow up fast
    letting immature ties sever
    The twisted lengths gone to discontent
    Dreaming of cause beyond effect
    Rebel against a rebellion spent
    Lowering deeper into the mud of disrespect

    It's almost over
    it's never done
    no one plays red rover
    so long as the setting sun






    Submitted on 2005-06-23 14:51:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree that people are trying to grow up too fast. As much as i admire my mum, I often feel that I when I am her age I will still have some of my youth so when things go wrong I will have the power to just laugh at them and have a careless freedom. I think you have got alot of good ideas and it is a very good poem, but I think you could do even more with it, and if not now hide it away for a month and get it out again and see if you have any new ideas for it.

    Aimee x x x
    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by xdollpartsx | [ Reply to This ]
      Very true, give an ironic statement, making itinteresting to read. I remebering playing Red rover when i was younger, man was i klutz at that game, i always got pummled by the fat kid. lol, and i was the skinniest one...I think it was set up. But good poem.

    I like this line

    Dreaming of cause beyond effect
    Rebel against a rebellion spent

    It has a lot of meaning to it. Great job, keep on keepin' on!

    **I.N.D.E.L.I.B.L.E._I.N.K.**
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Indelible_ink | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you've got two styles going on in here, and I'd seperate them to give more impact:

    Almost over
    never done
    Play red rover
    bask in the sun
    Fading youths
    mirrors of consequence
    Too many real truths
    left in places of circumstance
    I want the chill of childhood
    to stay in me forever

    Too many people ready to grow up fast and good
    letting immature ties sever
    The twisted lengths gone to discontent
    Dreaming of cause beyond effect
    Rebel against a rebellion spent
    Lowering deeper into the mud of disrespect

    It's almost over
    it's never done
    no one plays red rover
    so long as the setting sun

    You have a great message in this, I really like your words, very well done.
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the others..this hold an awesome message for todays youth and what is amazing is (and i hope you dont get offended) it is written by today's youth...

    I was one who grew up fast...I lived a fast life...I have no regrets...okay wait if I'd have know then how many friends wouldn't have survived to see late teens and adult hood I would have told them I loved them more.

    there was a line that I think needs help...
    "Too many people ready to grow up fast and good
    letting immature ties sever"

    I think you should delete the words "and good" not only would it give this a better flow but it also just makes better sense...

    anyhoo...this one is going to my favs...
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    63958

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry