I think you just so amazing. Well I think when some people write over and over lyrics, they get used to that, and when they try to write a poem, it sounds more like lyrics. That is what it sounds like in here. But don't get me wrong, you have huge talent. I like your wrok alot. I think you did a good job with the rhyming. Its sounds like things got twisted up and you don't know what way you want to go..
"She grew out of stone And stretched towards the light And when she was grown She swallowed the night She killed the twilight And she killed my pain I had nothing to lose She had nothing to gain"
This sounded pretty much like a song, but it was quite lovely. Anyways, After "She swallowed the night" The next line after that didn't seem right. Because you had a certain pattern of rhyming that I saw, and the line was in the wrong place. You should think about changing the line "She swallowed the night" so that it doesn't rhyme with the line underneat it. Other than that I found it to be a satisfying poem. :)
Definately sounds like song lyrics. But everything sounded good to me. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a sad or happy poem. It sounds more depressing. Like This girl you loved is like a tease and being with her is a plus for you like what's it gonan hurt if you already dont have anything. and for her it's like she wont gain anything from it so there isn't much want for her to be with you. I dont know maybee you could give a description. Good post.