Description: I just wrote this about a month ago with those fridge magnets and everytime i go for another beer I read this and think....uhhmm not too bad. not sure if it's a haiku or what....
Random Shadow -------------------------------------------
random shadow.....
howl from your house.
I bleed through the night.
I ache for your ghost.
Perhaps you could elaborate. Is it a wolf? A cat or dog outside your house?
It goes from a random shadow howling from someone's house to bleeding, to aching for this person's ghost.
A metaphor for someone you miss perhaps? I feel it was too short to really give any depth. But perhaps that is what you were wanting to convey.
And a note: a haiku is commonly represented as 3 lines of 5,7,5 syllables, but I have been informed that the true haiku form is actually 17 syllables over 3 lines. Not so restricting huh?
I feel you could write more and give something more concise, more imagery to work with.
No-I like this-the title is pretty much perfect for this "random shadow" hence the word Random-
"random shadow... howl from your house. I bleed through the night. I ache for your ghost"
I don't think you need anything to fix this...it's actually perfect the way it is...if you look at it the ending pairs up with the ending in the sense that it is random-but still feels like it's of the samething.
Random shadow...I ache for your ghost...shadow to ghost-what more do you need. I bleed through the night still seems as if it feets the situation b/c they all relate to darkness-I don't know, I guess.
But I like the poem and if you're satisfied with it then what's it matter if anyone says otherwise...good job
Submission Name: Random Shadow
