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    dots Submission Name: Random Shadowdots

    Author: C. Starr
    ASL Info:    35/yesplz/State of denial
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 130/196/68
    Words: 19
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 766
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 114

       I just wrote this about a month ago with those fridge magnets and everytime i go for another beer I read this and think....uhhmm not too bad. not sure if it's a haiku or what....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRandom Shadowdots

    random shadow.....
    howl from your house.
    I bleed through the night.
    I ache for your ghost.

    Submitted on 2005-06-23 20:49:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Perhaps you could elaborate. Is it a wolf? A cat or dog outside your house?

    It goes from a random shadow howling from someone's house to bleeding, to aching for this person's ghost.

    A metaphor for someone you miss perhaps? I feel it was too short to really give any depth. But perhaps that is what you were wanting to convey.

    And a note: a haiku is commonly represented as 3 lines of 5,7,5 syllables, but I have been informed that the true haiku form is actually 17 syllables over 3 lines. Not so restricting huh?

    I feel you could write more and give something more concise, more imagery to work with.

    Just my opinion out of a sea of thousands.
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      No-I like this-the title is pretty much perfect for this "random shadow" hence the word Random-

    "random shadow...
    howl from your house.
    I bleed through the night.
    I ache for your ghost"

    I don't think you need anything to fix this...it's actually perfect the way it is...if you look at it the ending pairs up with the ending in the sense that it is random-but still feels like it's of the samething.

    Random shadow...I ache for your ghost...shadow to ghost-what more do you need. I bleed through the night still seems as if it feets the situation b/c they all relate to darkness-I don't know, I guess.

    But I like the poem and if you're satisfied with it then what's it matter if anyone says otherwise...good job

    thanky for the share
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]

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