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    dots Submission Name: Not God's Childdots

    Author: throughmyvoice
    ASL Info:    19/f/US of A
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 69/113/51
    Words: 321
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 635
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1890

       i didn't put it under religion because it didn't feel religious to me.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNot God's Childdots

    So I went to God last night
    And layed
    And shut my eyes and opened my heart
    So then I prayed
    I went to God and I didnít know what to say
    It had been so long since I went to God
    I didnít know where to go
    God, where do I go?
    Nobody responds
    Nobody knows
    So I shut my fists and opened my mouth
    And my prayers wafted on my breaths
    And they said, ĎIíve been lost for so long
    I donít know how to be found
    I donít know how to ask
    To be yours once again
    For you to save me once again
    God, I missÖ your love, I miss
    The sense of belonging I felt
    Wrapped in your love, wrapped in your arms
    While you carried me across my life
    Youíre my only Father
    Iíve missed you so much more
    Than I can tell you,í
    Tears dripped off my face, and
    For the first time in years,
    As a hopeless stray,
    I prayed,
    ĎGod, I know Iíve been bad
    Iíve screwed up what Iíve had
    I donít know how to ask
    Except like this
    I want to be your Child once again,í
    So I closed my mouth and opened my eyes
    But I wasnít blinded by any light
    No voice whispered love into my ears
    No omniscient presence banished my fears
    No love or security or joy was felt
    Just the gashes ached from his leather belt
    The sorrow and hurts were still sharp and stinging
    The bruises on my arms and face were off-key singing
    And this bottomless sorrow of black misery
    Of screams and pain, heartache and agony
    Despite all of this problems being
    I said one last prayer
    I thought life to be solved by believing
    Was the night I was proved naÔve and wrong
    When I asked to be Godís Child

    And was told I didnít belong

    Submitted on 2005-06-23 23:02:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's very sad & you perfectly nailed how we (well at least me) sometimes feel when everything seems hopeless. The pleading & the repetition works well for this & I like your descriptions. Hope you have brighter days than the feelings expressed in this poem.
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by literary lover | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...so good. ok, i'm not a religious person but when you were talking about praying and stuff i was like, wow that sounds so good i hope it works out and then it came to the end and it couldnt of ended better. its different from the rest so that right there earns it brownie points. it flowed good and i like it alot. good job. ok and i just noticed your 14, holy...your good.
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by EmilyAnne | [ Reply to This ]
      I can see why you didn't feel it was real religous. It was very sad. I think people do feel like that sometimes. One thing is the grammer mistakes. I know that this comment probalby have same mistackes. Keep up the good job. And maybe you should space your wording bit better.
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by akaietowa-ru_18 | [ Reply to This ]
      there many ways i could apraoch the poem... first im going to start as a fellow poet and commenter... this is a real poem (not candy coated or obscure) that is what gives it its edge but that is also whats make lack a slight creativity to it. But i love how honest it was... some lines and words seemed forced in however... now as a christian i beleive you (or the narrator of this poem) are seeing this all wrong... God doesnt turn away a sincere and honest heart... so first you must ask yourself are you sincere and your repenting and second what exactly are you asking for and how are you going about asking them (rhetorical, only for you to answer to yourself)... I beleive God gives us hardship in life to test our faith and spiritual endurance...
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Versifier | [ Reply to This ]

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