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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: True Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Segniust
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 74/33/8
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1586
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 604



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


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    dotsTrue Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her heart is flying to the music of love,
    Her emotions soaring with his every look,
    Their lips touch and she felt his feelings,
    Does she deserve everything she is getting?

    Her mind is captured by his sweet whispers,
    Her spirits dance to his every word,
    Their arms embrace in scented passion,
    Why couldn't this last just a moment more?

    Her heart stops as he bids her adieu,
    Her tears fall as he journeys on,
    Their bond is gone in a second's notice,
    Had this ever really been true love?





    Submitted on 2005-06-23 23:21:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a really good poem. I can relate to it a lot because you're never really sure when you've found true love. But whenever you feel you do hold on to it tight and dont let go.
    Katana
    | Posted on 2006-10-24 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello!

    A third person type of poem or something like that... I tried making something like this but ended up in a failure... Huhuhu T_T

    Anyway, I like this poem! Simple but does not have any "holes" in it.. I love reading these kinds of poems. I really like that first stanze:

    "Her heart is flying to the music of love,
    Her emotions soaring with his every look,
    Their lips touch and she felt his feelings,
    Does she deserve everything she is getting?"

    I think the girl deserves more because she is really deeply in love with the guy... I think... Love deserves love... right? Anyway, and the last line of this stanza did give me a hint that there is a sad ending in this poem... Hehhe

    I love dramatic stuff! hehehe. the ending was a bit dramatic... Or is the word, "tragic", better? Hmmm... Anyway...

    The title is somthing that really caught my attention, but.... A sad ending? Does this prove that there is no such thing as love? Hmmm...

    Anyway, thanks! I enjoyed reading this! next time again! bye now! ^_^
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by del1rium | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a really good poem, of course it was somehow short (Three stanzas), but really good one indeed, I really liked it.

    Let's take it one step at a time; the first thing is the title "True Love", which was very simple and very straight and well chosen of course and totally suits the poem, the second thing is the description which wasn't really a description! I mean I can't say you used it well because you didn't!! I see the description as a tool for the writer to introduce his / her poem to the readers and to capture their attention even more so that they continue reading the poem!

    The third thing is the poem itself, it was very well written with no spelling mistakes "I didn't find any", and that's a very good thing of course, because spelling mistakes take alot from the beauty of any poem and you suceeded in avoiding that here.

    Also the simplicity of the poem was a very good thing and the emotion that was flowing all over the poem made the reader (Me) feel what you wrote, and feel the sincerity of it.

    I liked the part that says;

    "Their arms embrace in scented passion,
    Why couldn't this last just a moment more?"

    And also the last stanza was a good finale;

    "Her heart stops as he bids her adieu,
    Her tears fall as he journeys on,
    Their bond is gone in a second's notice,
    Had this ever really been true love?"

    Anyway, I hope that you find my comment somehow helpful to you, and I'll end up my comment saying Good luck and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      This was shirt and to the point. I like writes like this where I can read, comment, and be on my way... How simple words can sum up a lot, not too wordy just true. The descriptiion of love you gave was different from poems I've read it the past and unique is what I look for in a poem
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]
      You finally came on, about time. I still have the same critique as for all you poems, more descriptive emotion, and have fun with the words a little, all in all, one of your better poems!...lol Welcome My older sister everyone(by a year and a half), finally nagged her enough to come on...You can tell by our different writing styles, that were practically opposites...lol Good luck to you Sis...

    **I.N.D.E.L.I.B.L.E._I.N.K.**
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Indelible_ink | [ Reply to This ]


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