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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Insidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: C. Starr
    ASL Info:    35/yesplz/State of denial
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 130/196/68
    Words: 21
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1032
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 175



    Description:
       another fridge magnet poem from this past few months.

    Sorry folks if these recent poems are short and incomplete but i am too tired at the end of the day recently to type a long ass poem out.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInsidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A silent curse....

    A precious heart.....

    A sweet release.....

    Beneath this pleasure.
    Burns.....
    My perfect desire.




    Submitted on 2005-06-24 03:56:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      yeah hey cc..I like the wording but I am not totally sure what this means though-but here is my interpretation of it...
    A silent curse...

    A precious heart...
    now up these 2 lines I believe are you are talking about being cursed but being cursed from a love that you are feeling

    A sweet release...

    Beneath this pleasure.
    Burns...
    My perfect desire.
    Now you are thinking of this love while "releasing" if ya know what I mean
    Now you are satisfied and yet this love though unexplored still feels good and satisfying. then it's clear...you realize that this is so much better than the actual commitment to love and all the other bs that goes alomg with it. Oh yeah I am good huh? CC you must stop thinking about me like this...or ast least fly to Cali...see ya
    LAMEMANSTERMS
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      Short and says everything you need to know. That's great! This is what I got from the poem...if i'm wrong...i'm sorry! I think ur poem is sayin' that love can hurt (silent curse) but on the other hand, it could be something you are always chasing or wanting. Love is like a split feeling, it hurts but you always go back to it. I love the poem! For it being short it's really edgy. Great write! Keep it up!

    ~Kimberly
    | Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by _NowOrNever_ | [ Reply to This ]
      I can see that this poem would be very good if it was longer. I know your tired but try saving the poem and adding more to it another time. I dont like to though cause I want to write what I feel at that time and I dont go back to re word things. I say it as it comes to mind. Hopefully it rhymes. Good poem well start of one. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. pretty cool, and short as you said before. When I read this I felt a faint warth within me, as if the poem was actually comforting me.

    stana was the best I think, it was pretty cool though, ah, you sort of lost it when you said,
    "a sweet release" I kinda didn't get that, it was basically unclear, I suppose it was kinda coz your poem needed a bit more length to it.

    andway, good job! Your work it quite original!
    -
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    -Writer Chic
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Writer Chic | [ Reply to This ]
      straight to the point, a poem that encompasses a lot.
    i like the pieces with the three periods, it could mean so much, though meaning so little.
    I could write/make up a whole story behind it.
    Its short and sweet.
    this could be interpreted lengthwise, sideways, and as something rather intimate. excuse me if this is very off the mark, but your title and the poem suggests how the protagonist is inside the other person, probably from what I interpret, both physically and mentally/metaphorically.

    You might not have found this comment very helpful, but this poem and your comment about it, just inspired me, to leave one of my poems on the fridge for other people to read.
    peace be with thee, and I hope you can get some rest, to be able to write some longer poems, (not just the kitchen fridge ones),
    jc prescott
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]
      Short, but incredibly straight to the point. I tend to like longer poems, but this one caught my eye. I really don't think there is any problem with this poem, because it was something that was meant to be short and subtle. Your lines were beautiful, and clearly something that was almost sensual in a way...

    -Segniust
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Segniust | [ Reply to This ]
      Usually I liked Short poems because they are simple and straight and usually sincere BUT lately I have been reading lots and lots of these short -or shall I say too short- poems!! I think it's increasing rapidly between the writers and I don't why!! May be because it's simplicity or may be because it's easier to write, or may be because the less you write the less the mistakes!! I have no idea!

    Anyway, let's talk about this one in particular; As usual it's a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very short poem and a very simple one too, but like I said before eventhough it is short -may be too short- but it is so sincere and so straight forward and that is the beauty of it.

    I was first attracted to the title of the poem "Inside", which was well chosen by the way, and I read your description whic was very realistic and gave me what I needed to know and what to expect from the poem.

    The very short poem was so full of emotions, it was very emotional and that appeared in your choice of words like "Curse", "heart", "pleasure", "burns", and "desire', and I must say that you succeeded in your choice of words that totally express your emotions sincerly.

    I like the part that says;

    "A silent curse....

    A precious heart.....

    A sweet release.....

    Beneath this pleasure.
    Burns.....
    My perfect desire"

    Well, that is the whole poem!!

    I just want to say; eventhough it's beautiful BUT short poetry is not a good indication and it's not a fair way to judge on a writer.

    Anyway, I hope that you find my comment somehow helpful to you, and I'll end up my comment saying Good luck and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?



    64046

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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