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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Recipe For Redemptiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SHRINKSDR
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 476/375/39
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1705
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 935



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRecipe For Redemptiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Recipe for Redemption


    Vain, Self-absorbed and out of touch,
    Thought I had given oh so much!
    When in reality I had not reciprocated,
    Love which I should have consecrated.

    Now I dwell within this cave,
    A self imposed and early grave.
    I cast about, for whom to blame,
    But at my door stood guilt and shame.

    As wise and sage ones often say;
    What goes around comes back to stay.
    Years it took to comprehend
    My heart’s ear must to others bend.

    Forgiveness can be found of course,
    If sought while humble with remorse.
    And so from my dungeon’s darkest place,
    I was freed within my God’s good grace!

    I now embrace with heart outpouring
    All whose love I squandered whoring.
    And build no walls with ego’s pride,
    But heart and arms throw open wide!




    Submitted on 2005-06-24 08:43:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Steve,

    You are right... I like it!

    I now embrace with heart outpouring
    All whose love I squandered whoring.
    And build no walls with ego’s pride,
    But heart and arms throw open wide!

    Great awakening images.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      Great Job!
    It is good to see there is interest in this site by well versed writers who somehow have learned to communicate thought, not just rant and rave over a split in a bad relationship or they lost another report card.
    Quite true, these words of wisdom will lead someone in the right direction- if they listen .
    Thanks for your review on my little piece of nostalgia.
    | Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      Well! This is extremely well written! I really like this poem. So very nicely expressed and your choice of words are perfect! The only thing I think could make this even better is to say thrown instead of throw in the last line. Otherwise this is just great! Such a wonderful realization of life and love and living! Great stuff!
    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      powerful and well written and i like the way you keep the same tempo throughout this piece, it is true and from the heart and i relate to this, i like this spin you put on the old cliché' to make them sound fresh and new, keep it up"""
    Phil
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by orpheus | [ Reply to This ]
      Steve,
    awesome write perfect rhymes within their context, masterful and well thought out.
    i can read its rythym and enjoy it from beginning to end. i love the different positions described throughout in the spiritual walk.

    yes folks another grand slam for the doc its outta the ballpark right into Mike's wall...have a great night Steve.

    mike
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      I totally agree with this peom. I mean, I got married at 16 in Las Vegas, when I use to live there, its been like 1 year, but our love ended really quick and we started hating eachother, I guess it was the lack of good money, but that's not my point, cause I still love him and he blames me and that tears me up cause he is such a jerk. I base all my peotry on him and how he hurts me. But yah, I see the cave you are talking about and I could envision it all quite well... Thanks for the lovely write where I can feel I can relate.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Lauren Guzman | [ Reply to This ]
      It takes a lot for us to see, or admit, to our own faults and failures. I think that's one reason I like this one so much... your proclamation of ego and how it can keep us from "seeing" and knowing" and "loving" those around us as we should. I also like it for how well it is written, and the huge statement it makes.
    As I was reading and came to the last two stanzas it was almost as if these were my own words.. they were felt so deeply by me.
    A great write...and wonderfully stated and arranged.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn it Damn it Damn it!
    I'm going to have to tell Chell she's right! Again! Do you know how much I hate that?? lol
    This was..for lack of a better term, incredible. The road to redemption is an extremely hard one, I know from taking it myself. But when you reach the end, there's such a light, freeing feeling. You've captured that here. Bravo.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      Chell is right. This is a nice piece.

    I noticed a typo in your title. I hate keyboards and I work with them all day.

    The second stanza:

    "Now I dwell within this cave
    A self imposed and early grave
    I cast about, for whom to blame
    But boomeranged came guilt and shame."

    really hits home. Often we decide that something is wrong and we immediately look elsewhere for the cause. All too often it lies with ourselves. This is great work.

    As to your question in your description for
    "If sought with humility, and remorse"
    might I suggest
    "If sought while humble with remorse"
    Well, since you asked...

    Good work,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Absolutely phenomenal! Magnificent, oyu are a pro, I admire your work, This poem had an excellent rhyme shceme, and an extravegant moral and plot!I can relate to the given emotions, and understand the love of it, especially towards the last Stanza,"And build no walls with egos pride, but heart and arms throw open wide."
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes! I can see why this is your featured piece.
    'A self-imposed and early grave' speaks to me particulary. Indicative of the ways in which we bring misery to ourselves. 'years it took to comprehend' that we must think outside ourselves in order to find our own redemption.
    Its a fav for sure.
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by Tarwen Nevle | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm with mike on this one. great job! you captured the flowing wordy rhyme that i don't always get myself. keep up the good work! CJ
    | Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by jahhnysmom | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, wow you redid the whole thing, i like it even more. I really like the ending stanza, of course I'm usually fond of endings. lol The structure and rhyme scheme kind of Lulls me into it, I really Love reading your stuff out loud, It's too beautiful to just quickly read in my mind. Though my sisters do give me weird looks...lol Another great poem!

    **I.N.D.E.L.I.B.L.E._I.N.K.**
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Indelible_ink | [ Reply to This ]
      Recipe, eh? Well that's something I would try any day. (hehehe :p) Hrmmmm... looked like my sister liked this poem also, and we usually don't have the same taste. Well, I'm babbling once again... silly me. Your choice of words fits wonderfully with this poem. I liked how you rhymed also, it made me want to read more of it. (I'm not much of a rhymer... wish I was though...) I loved several verses in your poem, including...

    "As wise and sage ones often say
    What goes around comes back this way"

    I see no problems with anything, so this is not much of a critique, but more of to say that "I REALLY like this poem." ;)

    -Segniust
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Segniust | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! and Wow! This is one b-e-a-utiful piece! This has such a sing-song feel to it. Your rhyming doesn't feel forced. You have cleary presented your concept, and have told a story .

    This almost feels Shakespearean - one of my favorite writers. I'm not usually a big fan of modern day use of the a,a,b,b c,c,d,d etc. rhyming scheme, but it works so well here- maybe I should try my hand at that scheme again.

    You are either learning very quickly or you have a natural talent! I really enjoyed reading this!!!

    You should be very, very proud of this. I've fav'd it so, hopefully, that will bring you some other readers.

    Bravo!
    Encore!!
    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is excellent. I didnt even notice really that that line was off meter. I love it when people write in meter, because so few do it anymore. This had such strength to it as a piece and the rhyme and rhytheme to it brought everything together. I love the title too. The first stanza is my favorite. I know this isnt much of a crtique but there is nothing but praise for this poem. Excellent job.
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this. Its so good, I mean...the rhyming, the meter, they all meshed together perfectly...and it wasn't forced...it fit. It reminded me of Lord of the Rings and the kind of songs that Hobbits sing...but that's just me and I'm a little weird. I mean, I know I'm supposed to be critiquing, but this is just too good.
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      Bravo sir, you did an excellet job. I guess all the comments before tell you that already. This is a poem many people I work with need to read. There are so many people drunk in themselves that their vision is blurred to the needs of others. I guess that is why I am a Cpl to pick up the slack.
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]


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