Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When You Are Gonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Roguex
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    2.61 - 49/52/17
    Words: 180
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 810
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1067



    Description:
       My friend asked me to write her a peom of whats happened to her so this is it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen You Are Gonedots
    -------------------------------------------



    I loved you with all my heart,
    I thought things would never be bad,
    But then differnt things happened,
    That only left me sad.
    I thought that we were meant to be,
    Like peas in a pod,
    Or birds of a feather,
    But fate showed us that we were wrong,
    And you just left me here,
    To sing this sad, sad song.

    You said that we were meant to be,
    That we could be together,
    Until that day,
    When I saw you with a another.
    At that time,
    My heart sank,
    And I relized you were wrong,
    We were just like a forbidden poem.

    As the days go by,
    I still sit here and wonder,
    What it would be like,
    If you just stayed longer.
    As the seconds tick by,
    All I can do is brake down and cry,

    Until that day,
    When I saw you again,
    When you walked to me,
    All I could do is stare.
    You talked to me.
    And invited me with you,
    And finally the force is with you




    Submitted on 2005-06-24 08:55:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey, this was sweet, i bet ur friend really liked it. it was sad too. but great. i love your poems so much, keep up ur skills.
    -suicidalchild51-
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by Suicidalchild51 | [ Reply to This ]
      i didnt really dig this poem all that much man, i guess the rhyming bad with sad parts gave me a very simplistic view of the whole thing...i guess its just my style that collides with yours but...i found it too simplistic and unbeleivable.

    too improve in my opinion would be to stay away from the sad bad dog log cat hat rhymes and go deeper to hit that raw emotion button.

    good luck dude.
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by happy | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! i feel the same thing you are feeling! i have a poem that is somewhat along these lines! i feel the same way this poem is expressing! i know how it feels and im sorry if you are going through this it is a horrible thing! Things do get better! the poem is very good! keep up the good work! Shady
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by bleedinbabygrl8 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem. You did a wonderful job, I hope that your friend enjoyed it. Unfortunately I could relate to this very much. I hate relationships like that. But you portrayed the hurt and sorrow in this greatly.

    Keep up the good work.

    Rain
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked this and i feel we both write similar , check out my poems and you may see what i mean then again you may not and it could just be me lol
    great job Lainie
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by lainie75 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    64059

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Dream written by closetpoet
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry