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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I'll Comfort Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Indelible_ink
    ASL Info:    20/F/AZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 143/109/25
    Words: 293
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 1172
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1667



    Description:
       It's a bit simple in rhyming wise, but sweet. something I'd give to my friends. please give me feedback. :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'll Comfort Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Unless thereís an unknown phantom on my shoulder crying
    Unless my arms are somehow bound, and no means of untying
    Unless my bloods gone cold, and the soothing warmth I lack
    Or Iíve been decapitated, which I hope it never comes to that
    My arms will always comfort you, even at the break of dawn
    Though if you can wait till noon, it wouldnít do any wrong

    You can cry an ocean, and dry it up with your angers heat
    Iíll just bring some sun lotion, ready for anything I meet
    Tell me of those who ever hurt you, and Iíll kiss every single scar
    If youíre afraid of those monsters at night, Iíll leave the door ajar
    If you think I am in discomfort, Iíll call you psychotic
    Youíre the one who needs comfort, and Iím the one whoís got it

    So Let your tears flow into my desiccated land; overtaken by a drought
    Soften the earth of my heart; shape it into the comfort you sought
    Even if Time passes, Iíll hope that in many years
    That As I comfort you, Iíll gather just enough tears
    To grow a tree, aged and wise, to shade you from the sunís dislike
    To climb this tree of great stature; see your guiding star at night

    So if Iím not here, youíll never be lost or stuck in a mess
    I know that all the stars will guide you out of any darkness
    Theyíll direct you to the crescent moon, and Iíll pray youíll
    Climb your towering tree, and mount the glowing cradle
    So itíll rock you to sleep, and your cares will fall into the sea
    Youíre heart healed, soul mended; living life like you should be




    Submitted on 2005-06-24 10:44:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is beautiful. I hope to one day find someone with that measure of devotion. I know how it feels to give this, but never to receive it. I love the words and imagery you use in this, it's just fantastic. I think you're awesome! This is definitely going on my list of favorites!
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      This sounds like a song to me that can be really big with some musical guidance. By the way, i love your icon. I wish I was that damn creative. Anyway, the piece was nice and contained some hot original lines.

    You can cry an ocean, and dry it up with your angers heat
    Iíll just bring some sun lotion, ready for anything I meet

    That was clever. Thansk for the nice read...

    X
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, this is very good!
    You've got some incredibly touching thoughts in here, and it's a wonderful message to real friends, or even from a parent to a child!

    My only thought was the style, it's written so well that I think spacing it into rhyming quatrains doesn't do it justice. I'll play with one stanza and show you what I mean:

    "So Let your tears flow
    into my desiccated land
    overtaken by a drought.
    Soften the earth of my heart;
    shape it into the comfort you sought.
    Even if Time passes,
    Iíll hope
    in many years
    as I comfort you,
    Iíll gather just enough tears
    To grow a tree,
    aged and wise,
    to shade you from the sunís dislike.
    To climb this tree of great stature
    and see your guiding star at night"

    Something of that kind of style. Just a thought, I really liked this immensely.
    Well done
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I wouldn't call this simple more like spectacular! Incredible comparisions, so much feeling.. you're saying no matter what you'll be there. I think as Graeme said it carries a wonderful message.. Some parts start out the same and others don't. A powerful write indded
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]


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