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Crabbed Dreams & Swt Wds Whlng

Author: Rokhal
ASL Info:    21, f, USA NW
Elite Ratio:    8 - 85 /71 /18
Words: 151
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1591
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1158


Fixed verse four. It used to be trite, at least more than it is now.

Crabbed Dreams & Swt Wds Whlng

Crabbed Dreams and Sweet Woods Wheeling

Crabbed branches, silvered, 'neath the moon
Old sandals, dozen, parting soon.
Dead dragons rotting on the sand,
Lead wagons wheeling, far from land.
Great marlin roaring on the shore,
Old tiger sighing, evermore.

Dreams and waves and lives and heroes,
Procession rough and cold, sublime,
Roars and sighs and silent sadness,
Strolling far out into time.

Sweet water drowning through the stones,
Cold sword ferns drinking, roots and bones,
Fogbanks fingering the deer,
As weasels, tensing, disappear.
Old raven, watching from the pine,
A grosbeak shrilling, 'this is mine.'

Woods and streams and earth and mountains,
Silent living in the hills
Fears and joys and close ambitions,
Birth and death flow by in rills.

Wheeling gulls sigh sorrow's croon,
Watching bobcat drowned a loon.
Bones and crows and heroes' hearts,
Tigers, wagons, marlins, darts.
Feed the heart on living tune.

Submitted on 2005-06-24 13:09:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I do admire your use of adjectives, your sparse, economical choice of words. However, I also worry about the intense darkness that seems to always accompany these wonderful talents.
I do admire that you rhyme without the least trace of singy-songiness, a difficult feat. This will be the first poem I will make a favorite.
| Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
  Very nicely done, you've used your beautifully descriptive words to great effect, changing the rhyme scheme each stanza to suit the moon of the picture you create.

Very, very impressive, I'll be back!

Be Happy

| Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Lovely poem you wrote. It was original and well written. I see really no fault with this poem. The way you described the nature and the animals was something that I enjoyed immensely. I also envy your rhyming skills (I couldn't rhyme if my life counted on it.. >.>) You also had different pattern of rhyming, that I noticed. Well with that being said, I think this is a fantastic piece. :)

| Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Segniust | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really good...Crabbed Dreams and Sweet Woods Wheeling...I love how in each new set you start off w/ a different word from the title-that was brilliant...all in order...first I thought it was just the title-and so when I read it the first time I was like okay-then I looked at it again and saw the title throughout the whole poem-bravo...this was really good...I love how you started off with descriptions of animals, heroes, lives and ended with it also-very discriptive-wonderful job-and I'll most definetely add it to my favs...

Thanky for this wonderful share
| Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]

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