you believe
the public display of that edifice
around your neck
(a noose really)
absolves you of
your sins
when, in fact,
it merely serves as a
public display of your
hypocrisy
and
condemns you
This poem seems to have struck a nerve, though I confess I'm guessing and haven't read the comments below mine, I can imagine their content . . . and having said that, let me say you're a brave soul and I admire the rhetorical bent of this observational piece.
And being an ecumenical agnostic and something of a philosopher . . . and a hater of all things hypocritical, of course I've made this poem a favorite and applaud you as poet for calling it like you see it.
That's hot. That's a good one, this is most definetely going on my favorites list. The only reason they wear it, is because they know that they did it. Then, they go, and lie, party, drink with the thing around their neck, thinking that they are the most christian thing in the room. That was an awesome awesome one. Peace and mucho love, Aya
I would not shove the god fearing people right into the ground so quickly without a decent shovel to hide the mess, my friend..lol...yes the cross can mean a spit in the face of jesus to some and to others, depending on who is wearing it..it can mean complete hypocrisy..but all in all its another piece of self absorbed jewelery...and has no real purpose or meaning...in the end
Hah! Love this one. I really enjoy your writing style.. Pretty slick. Anyways, This clicked for me because i hate the whole holier then thou attitude i get just because i have a pentagram tattoo'd to my forehead.
Not really.. I should tho.. And then goto church and see what happens.. heh. Of course i come from the bible belt.. southern baptists shouldnt really be considered themselves church.. more a gossip club..
An interesting idea about the whole situation tho, why would christians wear a cross around their neck that symbolizes the tortur of their saviour? I'd imagine jesus wouldnt ever want to see a cross again...
All in all a definate favourite. Ratio M Ducet III
I appreciated your candidness and took this on a few levels. I am very spiritual but not into organized religion but I do appreciate and respect Jesus for the person he was ~ more deep than even the bible will portray - if this was meant to indicate a cross or religious icon 1 wears around their neck then it's ok but only for the instances where people identify something but can't identify with it or live it, truly. I wear a cross & a 3-burning amber pendant & I talk the talk, but walk the walk, as best as I can. I also took it to be the "yoke" as mentioned in the bible and it how we put that around our necks and it becomes as a noose ~ because we don't like the idea of just giving everything up to true Faith. I liked it because it was powerful, minimulistic and thought provoking. Right on! Liked the title 2~ Love,Peace,Joy! epiph ; }
If I assume that the edifice in this piece is a crucifix, instead of a large abstract structure, the this piece is really deep.
The Christian Testaments state that their God hates those who draw close with their mouths but not with their hearts.
With that in mind, christian hypocrites can show in many different forms. The 'christians' who judge based on the way others dress, talk, and believe, would all be hypocrites as their god says thou shall not judge. Those that deal out capitol punishment are technically killing. Those that put down drug abusers while overusing prescription medication...the list is extensive.
If people believe that wearing religous icons is all they need to do to be forgiven, then they are grossly mistaken.
As to the writing itself, with a capitol at the beginning this is a nice, angry piece of prose. I am not going to make any suggestion about the noose line- if you felt it was needed, that's all that matters.
Thanks for sharing this piece with this heathen! -Chell-.
Didn't really think of it as a 'poem'. [not trying to offend here] Didn't really feel i was being 'philosophical'. Just sharing some thoughts. Free exchange of ideas and all.
I have spent much of my adult life trying not to think. I think too much. All that does is twist a person up and get in the way of their interpersonal relationships...which are the real substance of life.
I don't know much now, and i certainly didn't know anything about anything until i was 29 when i pulled my head out of my a.ss and screwed it on straight.
One thing i've learned is that in a world full of enemies...you just can't have too many allies. And when i want to read a 'good poem' i usually just write one. The wonderment of a new poem only lasts for 3 days or so usually...so i must write more. And in the dry spells i just hang-on and wait.
The honest truth of why i read your poem is that i'm fishing for feedback on my own work, so please reciprocate when you can.
In this respect elite has been a bit of a disappointment to me. Because even after two months, and now that my poems and stories are getting views..it seems that very few people are commenting on them. Oh well, what are you gonna' do?
The consolation is that i've made some genuine and (hopefully) lasting friendships along the way. That's the good stuff.
Now on to your poem. And a poem with an agenda it is...I have learned that whenever we are critical of others, for whatever reason, we are really only projecting a subconcious 'portrait' of our own insecurities and character defects on to them. How's that sound?
Trust is the foundation of any friendship. It is built upon honesty and open communication. Believe that's what i just did here.
Now...back to 'philosophy': The world is full of a.ssholes who will try to hurt you however they can, for whatever reason. Try not to be one of those people, and you'll be doing alright.
Hmmm...religion-take it or leave it, but to avoid the question of 'divinity' altogether is perhaps the greatest crime of any thinking person. So kudos...you'll figure it out.
For my part, i believe in prayer, but not in god (makes sense to me..fu.ck it!)
Did you know that in the 3rd century(i think) you could be publicly executed for displaying a crucifix? It was considered a sacrilege. I heard it from a Jesuit professor of philosophy...don't know if its true or not. You just don't know who to believe these days.
"Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks religion- its the smile on a dog" - Edie Brickell
"Religion is the opiate of the masses"-Karl Marx
"Religion is the psycho-pathology of the masses"- Sigmund Freud
"The greatest crime against humanity is weak coffee"- David Letterman
This was good...I liked the noose part actually-it kindda of made it more compelling-to me...hyprocrisy-yeah, I was kindda thinking that religion would play a part in it...it's inevitable (I think)...you know...I kindda enjoyed this poem-it tickles me a little b/c now I'm wondering what the religious people are saying or thinking right about now...
ouch! this one feels extremely hostile. i like the feeling. i do, unlike the others, enjoy the noose line. i'm always a fan of the beautiful parenthesis. i agree totally with the condemnation, if i'm reading it right, but the hypocrisy is on a more personal level. an explanation of the hypocrisy of the individual would make it more realistic. if your point was to generalize, then i'd have to hate this poem, because you yourself are a hypocrite for stating one's beliefs and then charging yours as truths.
i would say there is no need for 'a noose really', because i don't know what edifice means but i can assume that is how you mean it is a noose...i would say try taking it out, but of course it is your choice. it's good though...and yes you seem to have your own style...watch that it doesn't get to complicated...always let it flow.
I don't personaly believe you need to add the line about the noose thats something that can be asumed. as for the flow i didn't feel it all that well it seemed more like a sentce on different lines. It was however creative I do give you that much and it was deffenitly not in the norm which is a good thing. to have your own style so don't let my ramblings about the flow hinder you if that is your style. Keep it up! I'd like to read more of your writings sometime. Hannah
Submission Name: hypocrisy
