Blinded landscape roughly gasps The heedless rot when in its view was a bit confusing when I first read it. Maybe: A blinded landscape roughly gasps or: Blinded landscapes roughly gasp. That line brought the image of a Dr. Suess book.. the one with the truffala trees... the truffala trees that everyone needs... uhh... THE LORAX! Yeah. Kind of dark and deserted landscapes, sad with that heavy memory of loss over them. I love the next few lines... very chilling, the word chime just sort of strikes a nerve in me... Reminding of the, still fresh, crime what's up with the commas? It made me stutter... I like... A reminder of the still fresh crime. It seems smoother, no? The rhyme scheme of the fourth verse really befuddled me... I wanted to juggle it all around and make the rhyming word be dead instead of feast. Which would involve something about a demented head. I'll not go there, though, it's good how it is. Only a dream. Not crazy, really. O.o Mm. Another great read. Peace. -rue
thanks alot man, post it right around lunch time, how am I gonna finish my sandwhich after reading that!...:p...but anyways very very descriptive, and it fits the Genre perfectly, the ending really hit it off, and I wasn't at all put out by the length, it was a very good length.
The poem was a bit gruesome, but what could you expect, I really like this part right here.
The Earth devours countless dead Maggots join her septic feast Gnawing groins and hashing skin A hell-full of the damned at least
that Line was just plain brutal, and extremely disgusting, but got your point across loud and clear. The writing style really gives it a eerie feeling, I could imagine a person reading it, and the emotions. Nice job!
This is not too short, in fact O find it a nice length- not overly long but not really short. It's morbid and a uniquely writen dark poem from what I've seen before. You make it seem so real but then come to find it's not. The 2nd to last stanza reminded me of the Black Plauge. Great job
Good work. I truly enjoyed this poem. It has a very solid flow and it reads easy. The message is clear, but does not shove something down your throat. The ryhme scheme was great, and you followed through. Too many times have I seen a rhyme scheme change mid poem. It has great imagery. Great descriptive words. I would leave it at this length, it leaves something to the imagination. Oh, and I must congratulate you. I finally found a poem without grammatical errors and misspelled words. Hooray! ~Monty
Poems that rhyme are a gamble. Here, the gamble, I feel, pays off. The imagery is wonderfully expressed and so is the purpose. I should qualify my comments under the umbrella that this is a genre of poetry I tend to support but only... ONLY... if it accomplishes something beyond simply "here's gore mixed with creative wording." Again, I think you've accomplished this especially with the last line:
I seek the meaning of this image As things are not as they may seem Madness worries me - not death For it only was a dream
Submission Name: Death of Mind
