Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A world of illusiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gothik
    Elite Ratio:    3.35 - 94/133/31
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 972
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 901



    Description:
       -IMPORTANT NOTICE-

    Please read the whole poem and try to understand it before judging it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA world of illusiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    As the sun goes down
    My heart start slowing down
    I gently close my eyes
    And enter a world of mine

    Elves playing mini-putt in a corner
    While dragons friendly drinks whisky
    And mermaids just flies away
    As I swim in the ocean

    I reach land only to meet ogres
    Playing ping-pong
    With a dwarf as a ball
    So, I run away to reach a distant land

    On this land I danced with the fairies
    Drinked with the halfling
    And as the sun rose into the sky
    I faded away and woke up

    To a world I barely know
    To a world of material illusions
    A world of chimmers
    So, a world that ain't mine


    But which one of those is the most irrealistic?
    The world of imagination? or the corrupted world of materiallistic illusions and chimers?




    Submitted on 2005-06-25 14:36:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I felt like I understood this one for some reason, and I liked it. It made sense without having to make sense...maybe that didn't make sense...anyways, everybody kind of makes the world their own, you know? the world and everything in it looks different to everyone else. There are a few spelling mistakes, and I don't know what a chimmer is, but it's good. I luved, and I will add it to my faves list!
    Please keep writing, I would love to see more of your work!

    ~GirlBehindYou~
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by Avril54 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. I prefer my own world, as I make it, to the bitter one we live in. I love the images this piece entices, I love imaginary worlds. I don't know what else to say. There were some spelling errors but nothing too bad. This was deffinately a change from the poetry I have been reading. It seemed light heart, until you dug to the core. I admire that about this piece, the exterior happy and fun, the interior deep and meaningful.

    Well done Francis.

    Bonnie
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good Francis. I have to agree with Big Bill, it needs work, but so does the world. I'm not a fan of the ogers and dwarfs and things like that, just ask anyone, but you did a good job, just work on it a bit.

    rain
    | Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this Gothik,
    It was creative at least
    Good wording I suppose,
    But it had some flaws,
    And I'm going to be honest about them-
    1 - Don't rhyme down with down
    2 - "while dragons friendly drinks whiskey"
    Should be drink , if that's what you mean
    3 - "and mermaids just flys away"
    It sounds like the narrator was drunk when he was speaking this poem. lol
    should be "and mermaids just fly away"
    you used chimmers at first, and then said chimers
    I have never heard of this word. Call me stupid, but PM me with the definition
    Overall it needs work,
    But has potential for an abstract write
    Hopefully you keep writing, because a new face is always welcome here.
    Big Bill-
    | Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      He he, I really loved this. Who knows if what we belive to be real is just our dreams or if dreams are reality.. LOL, sorry, I'm in a strange mood right now. I really liked this, hope you keep on posting here ^__^
    | Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    64218

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry