Well, I pretty much agree with Wolfstar. This poem is very simplistic and could be improved greatly. Too many I's and Your's for my tastes. But that is just my opinion amongst a sea of thousands of other fishes.
The piece itself is not bad. It's easy to understand and to connect with. But it's kind of on the simplistic side. I think it lacks some depth, and I don't mean to offend when I say that. Th topic itself is very versatile, and there's a lot you could do with it to make it have a strong and positive effect on those who read it. What I look for personally in poetry is a connection of the soul, something I had not discovered deep inside that comes out when i read the poem. I do not really get that feeling when I read this piece. It has a lot of potential; I can sense that. But I think it needs some reworking in terms of presentation. You have the chance to really get into the root spirit of your readers, to really touch them in the deepest level of their hearts. I assure you, once you find your own style, your own means of expression, you will see the change in your writing. Sentiments you never knew you had will present themselves in your writing. Poetry is not only a way to touch and elighten others, it is a way to enlighten yourself. I have learned so much about myself in my poetry, and I truly hope you do too, in this beginning stage of your life as a poet. Always be open to editing and revision. There is no piece that is perfect, that has no need for reworking. Just remember that.