Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fathers' Day '05dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SHRINKSDR
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 476/375/39
    Words: 249
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1379
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1720



    Description:
       Fathers' Day is one of the few times my three daughters are togeher. Two older daughters from my first marriage and my youngest who just finished her first year of college from my present marriage. Due to circumstances, I will not go into, it has been difficult for the two older to have a relationship with my youngeest daughter although they very much want this. So it is always specially sweet when they are together.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFathers' Day '05dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fathers Day 05

    There they sit
    Out door caf in Manhattan.
    Oldest daughter arranged this day.
    The three of them together,
    My three girls!
    A special treat
    Two marriages,
    Nasty divorce - has
    Made this confluence
    Of three angels together
    Rare.

    Chatting,
    Laughing,
    As only girls do.
    Surrounding me with
    Curly hair,
    Curly smiles,
    Shiny eyes.

    Their essence swirls around me
    Like some sweet
    Intoxicating incense.
    Im high!
    High on them.

    I sit and watch.
    Its my day,
    But what makes my day
    Is their love for each other.

    My heart swells,
    As does my chest!

    I fret, worry, wonder,
    Have I given enough?
    Been there enough?
    Been Father enough?
    Been Man enough?

    My own, now passed, father comes to mind.
    Is he here with us today?
    He would adore these three.
    Never saw first one born.

    He could be difficult, distant
    Quick to anger.
    Yet I adored and loved him.

    My eyes are wet.
    In ways I have been better with my girls
    Than he was with me.
    Yet I loved him!
    Do I deserve less?
    Perhaps not.

    Here before my eyes,
    The
    Sum and total of my life!

    If these three lovely souls
    Are what I leave behind,
    My life is complete.
    My work here is done.

    My day is over.
    Hugs, kisses, smiles and
    Goodbyes
    I will not forget this day!




    Submitted on 2005-06-25 16:05:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What a special Father's Day for you!
    To be able, in spite of divorces, to have a day with those closes to your heart (your children) together, with no anger, bitterness or hate; but pure sweet love between a Father and his Ladies is priceless. A bond not to be broken...I am glad that you were able to have such a wonderful Father's Day in 2005 and that you and your girls are so close...

    Smiles and laughter
    ~Linda
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well written
    I loved this
    I did not have a very good relationship with my Dad as I always blamed him for there divorce
    It was until about 5 years ago that I realized how important this man is to me
    Today I live with him helping him to overcome a depression
    Something I know a LOT about
    Take Care
    and
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      How very moving to read this delightful piece. Your girls should read this.. they would be thrilled I'm sure, to read the thoughts you've written here.
    It reminds me of this past Mother's Day.. I had some of the same feelings as I watched my 4 children all get together and prepare me a meal.. give me flowers..and most of all..their love. It was a delight (just as this poem) to soak in the moment.

    And, as you've stated so wonderfully..

    "If these lovely souls
    Are what I leave behind
    My life is complete.
    My work here is done."

    A beautiful piece.. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a terrific piece or work. Your feelings clearly shine through without being too maudlin. Loved the lines:

    Do I deserve less?
    Perhaps not.

    The crux of everything in those 2 short sentences. Not having gone through a divorce I can only imagine what some of these feelings are like, but I can certainly relate.

    Peace,

    Joey
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      this piece brought me close to tears, because being a daughter, i've never thought of a fathers view of fathers day. and also the way you convey to the reader such a powerful feeling, the love you have towards your daughters. amazing.
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by fabulousAMY | [ Reply to This ]
      hello steve ,
    thought i'd stop by and check out fathers day as you mentioned and i'm so pleased you advised ne too , as it is a beautiful piece not only about how you are a father but also about your father , it spills over with the love and pride you have for your 3 lovely daughters , and i know they just as proud of you as you of them.
    take care Lainie
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by lainie75 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this was beautiful. It reminded me of my parents divorce, and how life went when my real-mom had kids with my step-dad. My sister and I were pretty young at the time, but we slowly adjusted to the fact that we know had younger brothers. Since we only got to see them every second week for a week, our relationship with them wasn't very good, and this poem reminded me of that. In your description you said, "it has been difficult for the two older to have a relationship with my youngest daughter although they very much want this". That is what is has been like for my sister and I, (especially my sister).

    As usual, the form and everything else was really good. Great job, you're doing really good.
    ~Kriss
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked this. it was alot more personal. on a different level.
    it was all of your feelings brought into this piece.
    it reminds me of my last post. alot of people didnt really like it because it didnt seem like poetry to them.
    but i really like this alot.
    it was very powerful and really showed your feelings and emotions on such an important day.
    i think that this was all you.
    it was a style, topic and feeling all your own.
    i loved it.

    "Yet I adored and loved him.
    My eyes are wet.
    In ways I have been better with my girls
    Than he with me.
    Yet I loved him!
    Do I deserve less?
    Perhaps not.

    They are the
    Sum and total of my life
    Here before me
    I am well pleased
    If these lovely souls are what I leave behind
    I will die a happy man."

    really great-
    jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      Really nice.

    I wrote a Father's day bit this year myself, and I see comparisons between the two. I'm at a different point in my life; my sons are still little boys and my father is still living. Still, I lost my mom last spring and I think I can identify with your feelings about your father. Father's day, to me, is about love, but for some reason it's the one holiday that really makes me realize how much I'm loved, personally.

    This same feeling comes through in your work. you look at your daughters and see the future. You obviously love them and you're proud od how they've grown. They love you and that's what Father's Day is all about.

    Happy Father's Day (a bit belated)

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww... reminds me of my dad with me and my sisters. I agree that some parts were a bit confusing, but I got it after a few reads, My favorite part was this one:

    Their essence swirls around me
    Like some sweet
    Intoxicating incense
    Im high!
    High on them.

    It was just worded so well, and very cute! It's one of those things you can't help but smile at! Thanks for posting another poem! :)

    **I.N.D.E.L.I.B.L.E._I.N.K.**
    | Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by Indelible_ink | [ Reply to This ]
      The format on this was -weird-
    Maybe that's why it wasn't my favorite
    I mean, you picked an interesting topic
    And you told me what I needed to know
    But I didn't have to work for it
    And some parts were slightly confusing
    Well not so much confusing, as they were poorly written.
    Sorry to be so harsh lol
    It's not like I entirely didn't like the poem
    There were a few spots where the meaning shone through.
    Just go back and read over it.
    You'll see what I mean.
    Good Job,
    Big Bill-
    | Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, well...I found one I hadn't read and so glad I did! This is just beautiful! How wonderfully you have captured this fathers day and the scene and the emotions all wrapped up in a great write! The love you have for your 3 daughters is quite obvious and very special indeed! This day with them meant the world to you and it must have been so hard to see it come to an end! I dont have any children but I do know about goodbyes and boy are they tough! I like too, how you analyze your father and your relationship with him and how you are with your daughters (but that is just second nature to you though huh) This is a great poem! So wonderfully written! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    64227

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Etiquette written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    untitled written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Love written by saartha
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Records I written by Raphael
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    prison written by ShyOne
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry