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Never Cared

Author: Enleigh
ASL Info:    16/f/WI
Elite Ratio:    2.32 - 21 /32 /13
Words: 74
Class/Type: Poetry /What you did
Total Views: 867
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 446


Never Cared

When I was sad
I know you never cared
You took everything I had

When I was hurt
I know you never cared
You treated me like dirt

When I cried
I know you never cared
You took all my pride

When I was drowning in fear
I know you never cared
You made me shead ever tear

When I was dying iniside and scared
I know you never cared

Submitted on 2005-06-25 23:30:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  The rhyme scheme ruins the intended effect of your poem. It is really rather corny, which I must assume is not your intention. This poem would probably sound better if you focussed more on the meter, maybe even made it Iambic Pentameter, and less on the end rhyme. By focusing so much on the end rhyme, you have forced yourself to use coloquiallisms that do not convey the kind of imagery I think you intend to convey (dirt, sad, hurt, scared). While these words do convey emotion, they make the poem more you "spilling your guts out" than the masterpiece it could be.
| Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by Ranacide | [ Reply to This ]
  pain of love passed give it time i hope this helps at 16 their will be others don't worry
I'am 47 and i found a love that does hurt
| Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought this poem was good...just a little confused with the line you made me shead ever tear. Is the wording correct? Other than that the poem was passionate .
| Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]

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