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    dots Submission Name: Once of Thricedots

    Author: throughmyvoice
    ASL Info:    19/f/US of A
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 69/113/51
    Words: 249
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 776
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1566

       i haven't attempted this sort of thing before; this is a new way of writing that i'm trying...so please forgive a beginner's stumblings, and tell me what you think

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOnce of Thricedots

    While the sun blushed in the radiant sky
    And the waves lapped upon sandy shores
    I rested my face upon hands reaching towards me
    And I cried
    As a thought hit my heart and left it sore

    Twice in my life, I have been born
    The first was from my mother's pain and labor
    The second I recall, and will evermore
    Hold dear and secure in my heart
    And cherish as gloriously as my savior

    It was the day you tripped into my basket
    And knocked down all my selected fruits
    And blushed like the sun, and picked them up
    And said 'So sorry…ouch...
    They got bruised'

    You tripped the same beautiful way
    Into my heart, into my life
    And refused to leave me, chose to stay
    Through our tangible troubles
    And our worthwhile delights

    Though you screamed and I sat silent
    We managed to see it, however painfully, through
    And though I walked out, and you became violent
    Like the vows we exchanged
    Our love stayed true

    You held onto us, like I held onto you
    Nights we spent on our special sandy shores
    And were forever giving endless love and trust
    Though you deserved better
    And you should have had so much more

    But being born was just one of the
    Three times in my life I've cried
    The second was when you gazed into my eyes
    And said, 'I do'

    The third was when you died

    Submitted on 2005-06-26 03:46:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow this was great. The ending is so final and dramatic. I really love the line "blushed like the sun" i thought that was really pretty. It was not at all obvious that you were trying a new way of writing; the stanzas flowed smoothly and fit together nicely.

    You tripped the same beautiful way
    Into my heart, into my life
    And refused to leave me, chose to stay
    Through our tangible troubles
    And our worthwhile delights

    That is my favourite stanza; it just expresses so much and is a really beautiful way to convey the strength of love. Nice work
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]

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