She's The Experienced Type -------------------------------------------
You know the kind.
Alone at the end of the bar,
sipping an expensive wine.
Her glances aren’t just circumstance,
nor is it romance,
it’s her game and you’re in the palm of her hands.
She is in control
of your body your mind
your wallet you are her goal.
Lucky for you she didn’t set her sights too high,
and what do ya know she lives close by.
She picks up her coat and says I’ll be in the car.
You pick up the tab and make a mental note to come back to this bar
Her hand placed precisely
just enough to graze your balls every left.
An hour to go 5 blocks
to me sounded perfect.
I was actually getting scared.
Then she showed her pair
foreplay is ok with me
long as it’s done directly.
Her place was nicely decorated with conventional modern art.
But there was an aroma that ran throughout
of her past lovers that she merely forgot to throw out.
This woman knows exactly how to
Make you want her more and more.
But that’s when she’ll not want you,
then you call a cab and find the door.
but just before
you screw and you do it to her like she is doing you.
When your done she thanks you and says it was fun.
Yeah, that’s it.
Don’t look for answers or reasoning.
Just get over it.
You are out that door
faster than a 5 dollar whore.
Hey no attachment of some clingy broad.
Who wants to broaden your horizons
and make some compromises.
It’s better this way.
You saw her coming….. a mile away.
You saw the trap and you jumped in.
She opened her mouth …you stuck it in.
what can you say?
A prescription should help…
3 – 4 weeks you’ll be ok.
I have been away far too long. Nothing personal, been that way with everyone. Just busy...and I see you ahve been busy honing your craft.
this piece is full of clever word play and sneaky rhymes...I can't tell you how impressed I a. You've really grown and it show, and you've sone it while still keeping that in-your-face brashness that is you.
There are many things I love and I don't have much time so I'll quickly point out a couple
She picks up her coat and says I’ll be in the car. You pick up the tab and make a mental note to come back to this bar
Hey no attachment of some clingy broad. Who wants to broaden your horizons and make some compromises.
both clever word plays and good rhymes...
now, for what I don't like (because if I don't say that then what good am I?)
I feel like you built up to something and then there was nothing really there and this is great cause that was your point, but even with that in mind I was a little let down by the ending...I'm not sure where this perscription comes from...you were so consistent with your story and logic, and theme and all throughout ans then that kind of came out of the blue.
And I HATE the fact that it is all bold. Feels like you are screaming and this is not a screaming type of piece.
But these are nitpicks in what is a most enjoyable piece. I will be back soon for more.
I hope it doesn't sound condescending, cause I am nothing anyway, but I am really proud of you. You are obviously reading ad learning and growing. Can't wait to read more.
Perfect description... I can totally see the scene.
typo alert : This women - should be this woman in V26.
Back to the poem now. I think this is gonna be a favorite. It kind of sets things straight. Some women are also jerks.
Glutony comes to my mind. It is as if this woman cannot get enough! "But there was an aroma that ran throughout of her past lovers that she merely forgot to throw out."
She cannot get enough of "disposable" lovers. As if she is looking for something and yet running from something. A sort of praying mantis that mates only to kill the male after.
And the poor male sees the trap yet something keeps attracting him to his loss. A sort of magnetism he cannot fight.
A one night stand leaving the man as a "victim" the woman as a "predator" using charm and class (the expensive wine) to toy with men who keep coming back for more, for maybe her or the likes of her (You pick up the tab and make a mental note to come back to this bar) although if he feels cheap in the end.
Pretty much a modern day story, ending with sarcasm.
I wonder if that prescription is only for a physical disease if not as much for a mental state of disgust.
U managed to take out all the sensuality in ur description of a sexual scene only to make ur message stand out.
A lot to be interpreted in ur poem, it can be seen from many angles, and in many views. A work of art. It is a definite fave.
Ha...see now i like this side of you, i mean...i like the other thoughtful side too but...this is just more fun and you have this way of doing it and not making it seem cheesy. although i dont like it from 'you saw her coming...' to the end. i think it would be better if you didn't make it like she gave you an std because she has the ablity to f*ck like a man and not have to get attached. i think you should say 'we saw each other coming....' ....like ya know...you mutually used each other. Through this poem i kept thinking of Looking for Mr. Goodbar. especially because of the glass of wine. but also....you see before i was married.... well, i took pleasure in having a lot of sex and no ties which bind. i even had many casual relationships at one time. as long as you use protection and your somewhat sure they do to then it's cool. there is one thing you have to admit about an exerienced lover, whether your a man or a woman, they know how to please you. someone who has had many different lovers knows how to work it. end of story. anyway....i did like most of it, just not the end
Yeah, this definately tugs at the strings. My ex never told me that they had AIDS until after... But I'm good, so I guess that it doesn't matter. But very well said. I couldn't have done any better. But... can we see some more of teh mature and 'smart' Mike? Please!??? I kind of miss the occassional thought out of him.
Nope, don't wanna know. Again, moderately controversial topic written in first hand and very well done. The rhyming was a tad distracting, but added almost a sense of slight panic to the piece. Possibly what the first-time john is feeling? I hope if he ever goes back, he figures out to wrap his whacker this time :) Traci :)
O so true. I wouldn't call these ppl lonely or desperate. Its more of a power trip im sure. Great study of it. I tell ya wot, if we let our powers combine, we can cover twice as many bars, and I can go to that one next week, and you go to mine. It'll b like a public service! Glad 2 see ya. shard
HAHAHAHAHAHA! I love the close. Normally, I would say the end was corny, but it somehow works. You add such levity to such a depressingly shallow and hollow event. Even though the punchline still isn't technically good for the character, it made me chuckle at such lonliness and depravity.
Well... I didn't really like this. The poem itself needs som punctuation and I think you should either make 'palm' palms' or 'hands' 'hand' it's not even they way you have it. Some comma's could help the flow, I couldn't get a timing to this piece at all. It's just a gross poem that really shows your character, assuming this is something you have experienced, I can't see why anyone would just make this up. It's your life, enjoy it I geuss.
i luve it. to me the flow was a bit off, but i really appreciate how it conveys the feel--lines like "Yeah, that's it" were helpful. umm... oh! and i especially liked your starting line "You know the type"-- im assuming this created one of those i-can-relate feelings for those who "know the type". oh! and the twist at the end is interesting as well as educational... i appreciate how it says "i'll do the whole one night stand thing but not without consequences. all in all great write!
Yikes!!! Not bad for writer's block. You tell us the story of a sordid night and the consequences of being with this "Experienced Type". I found the internal dialog interesting. It seemed that the subject of this piece has a hard time with women: "Lucky for you she didn’t set her sights too high,"
That he had finally found someone that will let him touch:
"I was actually getting scared. Then she showed her pair"
but he has to pay.
I thought it was cool that you rhymed some of the lines, and not others. Ususally that bugs the heck out of me, but I found the break with convention consistant with the topic.
Although the topic isn't my absolute fav, I like the way you made me understand this lonely, desperate, highly contagious person.
Wow, I just had to scroll down for like 15 minutes to get to the comment box... and I can see why. This is awesome. Very intereseting and unique. The wording is amazing. I couldnt help but laugh at the end and say, "Ooo." Thats definitely my favorite part:
"You saw the trap and you jumped in. She opened her mouth …you stuck it in. what can you say? A prescription should help… 3 – 4 weeks you’ll be ok."