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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She's The Experienced Typedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 312
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 987
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1885



    Description:
       no thoughts at all.............


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe's The Experienced Typedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You know the kind.
    Alone at the end of the bar,
    sipping an expensive wine.
    Her glances aren’t just circumstance,
    nor is it romance,
    it’s her game and you’re in the palm of her hands.
    She is in control
    of your body your mind
    your wallet you are her goal.
    Lucky for you she didn’t set her sights too high,
    and what do ya know she lives close by.
    She picks up her coat and says I’ll be in the car.
    You pick up the tab and make a mental note to come back to this bar
    Her hand placed precisely
    just enough to graze your balls every left.
    An hour to go 5 blocks
    to me sounded perfect.
    I was actually getting scared.
    Then she showed her pair
    foreplay is ok with me
    long as it’s done directly.
    Her place was nicely decorated with conventional modern art.
    But there was an aroma that ran throughout
    of her past lovers that she merely forgot to throw out.
    This woman knows exactly how to
    Make you want her more and more.
    But that’s when she’ll not want you,
    then you call a cab and find the door.
    but just before
    you screw and you do it to her like she is doing you.
    When your done she thanks you and says it was fun.
    Yeah, that’s it.
    Don’t look for answers or reasoning.
    Just get over it.
    You are out that door
    faster than a 5 dollar whore.
    Hey no attachment of some clingy broad.
    Who wants to broaden your horizons
    and make some compromises.
    It’s better this way.
    You saw her coming….. a mile away.
    You saw the trap and you jumped in.
    She opened her mouth …you stuck it in.
    what can you say?
    A prescription should help…
    3 – 4 weeks you’ll be ok.

    lamemansterms




    Submitted on 2005-06-26 04:30:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Okay...so...did this man...get like...an STD or something? Ewwwwwwwww! That's NASTY!

    THis write all together though was great! You always give an "underground" presentation. You don't care what you post...all you know is that you want to post it. Such a bold person you seem to be.

    Great job.

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I have been away far too long. Nothing personal, been that way with everyone. Just busy...and I see you ahve been busy honing your craft.

    this piece is full of clever word play and sneaky rhymes...I can't tell you how impressed I a. You've really grown and it show, and you've sone it while still keeping that in-your-face brashness that is you.

    There are many things I love and I don't have much time so I'll quickly point out a couple

    She picks up her coat and says I’ll be in the car.
    You pick up the tab and make a mental note to come back to this bar

    Hey no attachment of some clingy broad.
    Who wants to broaden your horizons
    and make some compromises.

    both clever word plays and good rhymes...

    now, for what I don't like (because if I don't say that then what good am I?)

    I feel like you built up to something and then there was nothing really there and this is great cause that was your point, but even with that in mind I was a little let down by the ending...I'm not sure where this perscription comes from...you were so consistent with your story and logic, and theme and all throughout ans then that kind of came out of the blue.

    And I HATE the fact that it is all bold. Feels like you are screaming and this is not a screaming type of piece.

    But these are nitpicks in what is a most enjoyable piece. I will be back soon for more.

    I hope it doesn't sound condescending, cause I am nothing anyway, but I am really proud of you. You are obviously reading ad learning and growing. Can't wait to read more.
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my Gooood!

    Perfect description...
    I can totally see the scene.

    typo alert : This women - should be this woman in V26.

    Back to the poem now.
    I think this is gonna be a favorite. It kind of sets things straight. Some women are also jerks.

    Glutony comes to my mind. It is as if this woman cannot get enough!
    "But there was an aroma that ran throughout
    of her past lovers that she merely forgot to throw out."

    She cannot get enough of "disposable" lovers. As if she is looking for something and yet running from something. A sort of praying mantis that mates only to kill the male after.

    And the poor male sees the trap yet something keeps attracting him to his loss. A sort of magnetism he cannot fight.

    A one night stand leaving the man as a "victim" the woman as a "predator" using charm and class (the expensive wine) to toy with men who keep coming back for more, for maybe her or the likes of her (You pick up the tab and make a mental note to come back to this bar) although if he feels cheap in the end.

    Pretty much a modern day story, ending with sarcasm.

    I wonder if that prescription is only for a physical disease if not as much for a mental state of disgust.

    U managed to take out all the sensuality in ur description of a sexual scene only to make ur message stand out.

    A lot to be interpreted in ur poem, it can be seen from many angles, and in many views.
    A work of art.
    It is a definite fave.

    A great read Lameman.
    Viviane
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha...see now i like this side of you, i mean...i like the other thoughtful side too but...this is just more fun and you have this way of doing it and not making it seem cheesy. although i dont like it from 'you saw her coming...' to the end.
    i think it would be better if you didn't make it like she gave you an std because she has the ablity to f*ck like a man and not have to get attached. i think you should say 'we saw each other coming....'
    ....like ya know...you mutually used each other. Through this poem i kept thinking of Looking for Mr. Goodbar. especially because of the glass of wine.
    but also....you see before i was married....
    well, i took pleasure in having a lot of sex and no ties which bind. i even had many casual relationships at one time. as long as you use protection and your somewhat sure they do to then it's cool.
    there is one thing you have to admit about an exerienced lover, whether your a man or a woman, they know how to please you. someone who has had many different lovers knows how to work it. end of story.
    anyway....i did like most of it, just not the end

    CC


    | Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, this definately tugs at the strings. My ex never told me that they had AIDS until after... But I'm good, so I guess that it doesn't matter. But very well said. I couldn't have done any better. But... can we see some more of teh mature and 'smart' Mike? Please!??? I kind of miss the occassional thought out of him.

    ~Jess
    | Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this one, up until the last line. I really liked the feeling of control up until then. She thinks she's in control, he thinks he is. They're both getting what they're looking for.

    Up until those last 2 lines.

    Great work!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Nope, don't wanna know.
    Again, moderately controversial topic written in first hand and very well done. The rhyming was a tad distracting, but added almost a sense of slight panic to the piece. Possibly what the first-time john is feeling?
    I hope if he ever goes back, he figures out to wrap his whacker this time :)
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      hahahahahaaa... nice job. Definately different. sex type poems usually arent my thing, but this was different, I liked it.
    ~kat
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by PsychoBabble214 | [ Reply to This ]
      O so true. I wouldn't call these ppl lonely or desperate. Its more of a power trip im sure. Great study of it. I tell ya wot, if we let our powers combine, we can cover twice as many bars, and I can go to that one next week, and you go to mine. It'll b like a public service! Glad 2 see ya.
    shard
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
      HAHAHAHAHAHA! I love the close. Normally, I would say the end was corny, but it somehow works. You add such levity to such a depressingly shallow and hollow event. Even though the punchline still isn't technically good for the character, it made me chuckle at such lonliness and depravity.

    Very nice!

    a
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by _n3pt | [ Reply to This ]
      an honest piece from an honest guy...
    you just put it, mike and I always find that refreshing. My only gripe would be that some of the line breaks are awkward...but then maybe you meant to do that.

    I think you did a great job of describing this fellow, just wanting some action. Hope your gettin some love that is worth more than this.
    miss ya-
    mags
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      Well... I didn't really like this. The poem itself needs som punctuation and I think you should either make 'palm' palms' or 'hands' 'hand' it's not even they way you have it. Some comma's could help the flow, I couldn't get a timing to this piece at all. It's just a gross poem that really shows your character, assuming this is something you have experienced, I can't see why anyone would just make this up. It's your life, enjoy it I geuss.

    -tom
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      i luve it. to me the flow was a bit off, but i really appreciate how it conveys the feel--lines like "Yeah, that's it" were helpful. umm... oh! and i especially liked your starting line "You know the type"-- im assuming this created one of those i-can-relate feelings for those who "know the type". oh! and the twist at the end is interesting as well as educational... i appreciate how it says "i'll do the whole one night stand thing but not without consequences. all in all great write!
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by amateur | [ Reply to This ]
      Yikes!!! Not bad for writer's block. You tell us the story of a sordid night and the consequences of being with this "Experienced Type".
    I found the internal dialog interesting. It seemed that the subject of this piece has a hard time with women:
    "Lucky for you she didn’t set her sights too high,"

    That he had finally found someone that will let him touch:

    "I was actually getting scared.
    Then she showed her pair"

    but he has to pay.

    I thought it was cool that you rhymed some of the lines, and not others. Ususally that bugs the heck out of me, but I found the break with convention consistant with the topic.

    Although the topic isn't my absolute fav, I like the way you made me understand this lonely, desperate, highly contagious person.

    Thanks for sharing.

    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I just had to scroll down for like 15 minutes to get to the comment box... and I can see why. This is awesome. Very intereseting and unique. The wording is amazing. I couldnt help but laugh at the end and say, "Ooo." Thats definitely my favorite part:

    "You saw the trap and you jumped in.
    She opened her mouth …you stuck it in.
    what can you say?
    A prescription should help…
    3 – 4 weeks you’ll be ok."

    Clever... very clever. Great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      OMG i love you. you freaking crack me up, you know that? i had something in my head to say..but screw it, this was hilarious. good job babe.
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by deepinthought | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
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    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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