Description: I read inspirit999's "the theif and the voice" (http://www.eliteskills.com/z/64309) and it reminded me of a poem I wrote many years ago. It's quite a bit different than the style I've recently adopted. Although, each poem seems to dictate it's own style now.
Enjoy
dear lady -------------------------------------------
what’s wrong, dear lady
did you hear something?
whirl around, dear lady
did you see something?
dance for me, dear lady
on night’s starry stage
while tangled dreams
of nightmarish things
are woven in the hallowed
corners of my mind
This is interesting! So much sad in few words! Kinda sexy combined with a splash of spooky makes for a really good write! "On night's starry stage" really sets the image in my mind! "Tangled dreams of nightmarish things" sounds like a serial killer going to tie her up and torture her, but only after she dances for him! Yeah, this got me thinking! Nice job! Take care! Lorna
A slice in time poem that was well executed, but then left something to be desired . . . and that's okay, some poems are like this and have a very tight focus. It's a tough thing to pull off and I feel that some will find it engaging, while others will find it . . .
There's a lingering something to the poem that rescues it from aninimity . . . especially with the last line.
He gives her all the time, all the comfort of a true love...allows her to step back and see that the world around these two is not quite as ugly as it seems..but reminding her in his tone of voice that 'that' is because she is with him, safe to love...safe from impure things..beautiful poem, my friend
i had to stop by your page and check out some more of your work...I liked this piece, it was lyrical and flowed very well...There is an heir of mystery to this piece, the woman is representative of so many things, this is almost psychotic from a minds eye and all of the nighmares the eye can make come true, it feels a little unfinished though, I am left wondering what is the fate of the piece.
not probably what you were going for, but man, it was creepy to me!
i kept imagining a peson with bad ideas in mind for this woman...yet trying to degrade her by the use of "dear lady"
hmmmm, sorry cause i see that you were going for a more romantized feel, but it still gave me chills...interesting how certain poems can evoke different emotions. Im glad i saw that and hopefully it can add a few more oscure layers!
Well I do agree with what people said about this poem. It reminds me of the moon. Especially when you said "night's starry stage".
I liked the lines in the poem, they were very thought provoking, as if you're asking yourself "who could this woman be?" (Well, that's what I was asking myself.) I felt myself smile while reading this. It was indeed beautiful. The only thing that bothered me is that you didn't capitalize the first words in your lines. (don't mind me... it's one of my pet peeves)
You've written a nice little puzzle here, and I can come up with several answers that would fit, so you've done an excellent job. I'll stick with my nicest thought, that the "lady" is the moon in the night sky. Well done, could be expanded without ruining it. By the way, I noticed your comment on Kerrie's "Teddy Bear Dreams" That was a challenge a few of us joined in, to write a poem with that title. We all took a different look at it, and she went the comedy route. Thanks for this poem, it's nice to have to delve into a piece and really think. Be Happy Graeme
Submission Name: dear lady
