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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lies
    ASL Info:    18/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 56/31/6
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 843
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 622



    Description:
       "I have a crush" poem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYoudots
    -------------------------------------------


    I adore you from afar
    Not letting you know
    Who you are.

    You're the sweet secret
    I keep to myself-
    Adoring you and noone else

    I could tell you
    But I dont' want to appear a love sick child
    Not in front of you, the one who causes my heart to pound wildly

    I smile sweetly
    Everytime you're near
    Appearing innocent and listening closely with an ear


    Perhaps one day
    I'll tell you exactly how I feel
    BUt until then
    I'll keep my secret lingering still.




    Submitted on 2005-06-26 16:47:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Good poem it wasn't exactly always flowing the same way, but good work none the less. Wow I haven't had a "crush" in a long time . ( ahh the good old days lol ).

    much LOVE
    James
    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good, but the flow was off in places. A lot of the lines were longer, it seemed as if you were dragging them out. If you broke up some of the longer lines, the meaning would still be there but you wouldn't be dragging it out. Other than that, the message was awesome and I think that a lot of people would be able to relate, I know I can. Good job,
    ~Kriss
    | Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]
      Not bad at all, you certainly get the message across, although a bit of symbolism wouldn't hurt.
    For a change, I think your poem would flow better if you do away with the stanzas and let it run right through.
    I still liked it, but it doesn't stand out as a major achievement.
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really think it was good. You seem to change the flow here and there, but it was still easy to follow. You reminded me of how sweet it is to have a crush on someone.
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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