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Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

damned

Author:	sudie
ASL Info:	18/ f / virginia
Elite Ratio:	4.33 - 182 /195 /51
Words:	121

Class/Type:	Misc /Misc
Total Views:	1070
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	853

Description:

this is an expansion of "missing"....i think the connection of new part to old poem may sound clumsy so say what you truely think. i have to take this to a poetry class and i dont wanna look stupid ;)

damned

A broken house lies bleeding
damned souls onto the street.
The gutters overflow with filth
where women fix bouquets.

Lethargic contributions
keep desperate hands from grabbing
A dollar is nothing
to a business man.
It feeds urchins for a day.

A man draped on a step
looks dazedly at his hands
he sees in them
dry, roughened patches
from work that once brought food.

There’s a lack of presence
in his sullen face.
His cheeks touch to his teeth.
His eyes reflect but do not penetrate
anything on the outside world.

But if you look deeper,
there’s a lurking ponderance
that veils his inner core.
A confident soul in humble query;
one you could not see before.

Submitted on 2005-06-26 20:25:43 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

It does flow a bit odd, Sophie. But it's still pretty good, I like the last two lines, the little couplet.
>>A confident soul in humble query;
one you could not see before.<<
There's just something about it, I love it!
I'm sure you won't look stupid. Good luck at your class!

| Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]

well it is ok, there are no spelling errors and to me the flow was a little chopy, i'd have to say in the beging it was a little confusing but then i read it again and it made a little more sense, there is a lot of imagery in this poem, like when you say" A broken house lies bleeding
damned souls onto the street."
and I'd have to say that may favorite stanza would have to be

"A man draped on a step
looks dazedly at his hands
he sees in them
dry, roughened patches
from work that once brought food."
and i like this one so much because when i read it i could see the man sitting there and just looking at his hands.

~liz~

| Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]

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damned

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