Description: Ok, first of all, I want to ask those of you who read this to not post any rude comments. I know this is a bit... obscene? But, I like it. And I know it's childish, with all the cursing, and the ebonics like "ya, and gunna" but it seems to fit.
Remeber, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it all... unless of course it would make the poem better, but other then that, please keep other comments to yourself if they're rude. ^_^ Thank you!
X-Mas -------------------------------------------
Ding dong
Merrily on high!
The Christmas bells are ringing!
…
What the fuck?
When are all the little midgets
Gunna learn?
Santa Clause is fake
He never had a turn…
Let’s turn Christmas into Halloween!
Best time of the year if you ask me
All this “rejoycin’” crap is gettin me pissed
Well in my world…. Christmas is like this….. come and see….
Step into a world,
Where Santa clause is dead
Christ was never born,
Because I chopped off his head
There aint no presents
And there aint no cheer
We all get fucked up and high
This time of year
The snow turns black
And the sky turns red
Santa Clause the Zombie!
And all the blood that he sheds
He chops you up with an axe
And plays with your head
Another chop, chop, chop,
Just to make sure you’re dead
Maybe he’ll leave presents
To all the bad girls and boys
The ones who fuck at age 5
And screw with their toys
Run little children,
Hide under the bed
Santa Claws is gunna get ya
And make ya bleed red
When he’s done with his job
It’s another goodnight
To all the good girls and boys
He throws their heads out of sight
I liked it. It might not have been all sophisticated and full of long meaningless words, but it gave me the effect you were aiming for, and I thought it was rather good.
I wouldn't have you change anything, and even if I would I know you'd never take my advice, but on little point. If you removed 'that' from the line "And all the blood that he sheds" then it would read much better. That's the only one bit that really ruins the rhythm and because the line holds the same meaning with it or without it, I think 'that' should be rubbed off.
I don't care what anyone says, I loved the piece and it really does mean alot when you think of it. It isn't just a naughty child whose learnt that Santa Clause is fake too early. It's the whole Christmas feeling we give each other. In the end, it's probably just a waste of money on presents for people who don't deserve them. He he, I know that's a horrible way to think of it, but this piece opens eyes to adluts as well as kids. There was more to this piece than many seemed to find, and I regret that greatly. It really was a unique poem.
yeah...well you left a pretty [censored]ty comment on my page --and ya didn't even know what you were talking about---no offense but this poem --just is a bit too childish..I was waiting for the cursing and the swearing and ebonics as you said but truthfully this was cursing and swearing from a little catholic school girl or what-not...if yoou are going to go over the top...and I think I have some room to talk here...you really want to wow them ---1st maybe get a better begining---I see what you were going for but na.. check it out Ding dong Merrily on high! The Christmas bells are ringing! … What the [censored]?
When are all the little midgets Gunna learn? Santa Clause is fake He never had a turn… [this stanza--throw it out, this is useless--it really says absolutely nothing and the line about christmas and Haloween is coming up so maybe start ooff with that---You really need to get their attention quick.....a stunner and xmass and halloween will work--I also like the midget thing...anything with midgets always makes me laugh--- the ones who [censored] at age 5--oh yeah thats a keeper--I like your style with some fine tuning and maybe some guidance ya just might be a shocker.....-any-ha thanks for your crappy comment but this is directed more at improving it as best I can---cya Lt
Personally, I laughed my ass off as I read this. It's twisted, but really, no one should take it too seriously. It's obviously meant to be a dark piece and have some fun with a sacred tradition, and I think it does a nice job of that.
You're so sassy! Nothing rude? "The ones who fu.ck at age 5". I apologize in advance, but that's just fu.cked up! What the hell are you thinking man? Some sh.it is better left unsaid. Keep that sh.it to yourself. Its not funny. Its not necessary.
Like i said, i'm sorry for the rant, but i hope it helps you get some [censored] straight in your head.
Other than that..i liked this piece, at least it has some angst in it, some wit, some pizzaz.
This was very graphic, but that is okay if it is your writing style and your feelings about this holiday.
Okay, I thought the rhyming in this worked very well. You managed to pull it off without making it seem like you struggled for it. Not easily done with rhyming, I have a very hard time with it myself.
On to punctuation. I think that maybe you could add in a few periods here and there, but this is only my opinion. Also, the word aint should be ain't. Sorry, but Im crazy about this kind of stuff.
Even though I enjoy Christmas as a time for exchanging gifts and getting together with family, I am not christian so the whole christ thing doesn't even bother me.
All in all, I thought this was well written, even though it is too dark for me.
love it love it oh my gosh this rocks! turn christmas into halloween, that is timeless and worthy of my library. this is so ha ha dark you are a yardstick to follow, I humbly bow mike :)
Dude i love it! it is so f!ck you, there are no spelling errors and the flow is there the whole way through, i don't know what else to say about this, there is a ton of imagery in this, i could see santa chopping off heads and blood on his white beard,and i felt a lot of hate coming through this, i always found this to be a happy time of year but it seems something has happened to ruin it for you and that just sucks. I found this poem to be funny too, really funny and i guess that makes me a sick one. I'd have to say that my favorite is this, the whole damn poem, i can't really choose just one part. So i'm going to add it to my fav's
Submission Name: X-Mas
