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sinking


Author: Scribbles1338
ASL Info:    18/Female/St. Louis
Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 169 /167 /37
Words: 398
Class/Type: Prose /Longing
Total Views: 662
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2074



Description:


I wrote this years ago when i thought I was in love with someone who didn't love me back. It was really sad and miserable...and he was one of my best friends...and I had loved him for years...

I'm now in a relationship and am still freinds with him, but I will never forget my youthful agony with him...


sinking



The best things in life are the worst for you and that's the way it has to be. You spend most of your time focusing on how awful it all is with him, wishing that it was in your power to hate him, despise him. Perhaps even never see him again. but then amidst your rage, you think of a tiny little moment...it can be anything...the way he smiled at you, a part of a conversation, his laugh, a joke, or even something that reminds you of him, and somehow all your anger manages to melt away. Those little moments of love and happiness seem to make up for all the torture he unconsciously puts you through day after day, year after year. It never ends. You never learn to deal with it. Ever. You realize that it is like a trap with no way out. All you can do is plunge in deeper, never knowing how far he will push you until you finally break. Almost wondering what it would be like if you did break, but then another happy memory appears and once again the anger instantly disappears. You begin to feel like you’re on a little raft out in the sea. And the raft slowly begins to sink, you first tell yourself that once you get out of the storm, it will be ok, that you will be able to float again, but after what feels like centuries of agony you realize that there is no getting better. As you raft finally collapses you glance out toward the shore and see him standing there. You call for him, screaming, crying, in pain. Can’t swim. Can’t breathe. Lost, not knowing where to go or what to do. You feel trapped as you still scream out to him, hoping that he'll understand how badly you need him. Wanting him to come get you and heal your pain and help you to safety. But as you sink in over your head, he is still standing near the shore, with a longing glance towards you...barely wading in past his ankles. It is simply the way things are and although you never learn to be ok with it you accept it as fact and keep screwing up your life until you cant take it any longer...but I haven’t gotten quite that far so I’m not really sure what happens next...




Submitted on 2005-06-27 00:17:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  A horrible undertaking to drag these demons so far in the rain without moving a single muscle to do so...but this is very natural for one to deal with, when trying to force a boy to feel what he cannot...a kid thats not ready to taste all the aspirations that a young girl can hold..very few are even remotely ready for this task my friend..thanks for the review..:)
| Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by Reckoner | [ Reply to This ]


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