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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I'd shut the lights...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: splifford
    Elite Ratio:    3.06 - 39/42/16
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 313
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 829



    Description:
       i can't stop myself from being the first person, this is what happened when i tried not to use "i"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'd shut the lights...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'd shut the lights out on the entire eastern coast

    I'd pillage the world for you,
    if you wanted me to.
    I'd go everywhere I said I'd never go,
    if you'd just let me know.
    I'd tear off my fingernails,
    if you'd be a part of my wild tales.
    I'd make my friends go away,
    if it made you stay.

    I'd destroy my master plans,

    if I could hear you say
    you wouldn't let anything get into our way.
    I'd take the blame, I'd give up all my fame.
    I'd stop the trains, I'd ground the planes,
    I'd quarantine the harbours,
    I'd shut down the borders.
    but I'd show myself the door,
    if you didn't want me anymore.




    Submitted on 2005-06-27 00:36:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i have a hard time not being first person too, but i gave up on trying not to be...

    the poem though was perfect. had it not been first person it wouldn't have been the same. it was a very good love poem and that is the best commpliment i have EVER given as i do not like love poems that much..so to say i loved this one is a compliment indeed. the last line was perfect, i say this because i've always believed that if you truly loved someone you would let them go if ever they wanted to leave. so i enjoyed this and will make it a favorite. thanks for blessing me with the oppurtunity to read it.

    Misty
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
      And about using "I" in poems...I have alot of trouble with it too. On one of my poems (Just you and me Teddy), I thought I would have alot of trouble with it, but it came out very well. It's hard, but you'll get it...good luck :)

    -Miss M.
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this, I'm feelin it lol. I love the examples you gave, in other poems ive read like this, the examples are very frivalis...stupid lol. But these are good.
    Great job, keep up the good work :)

    -Miss M.
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I really liked that a lot. You did change how you rhymed in the second part though, I happened to like the first style better, but it seems to fit. I was just wondering if there was a specifc reason you told me to read this?
    | Posted on 2005-07-24 00:00:00 | by BeautifulGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this one better, i like the ideas of each thing, but the rhyming doesnt really flow all the way through the poem. i like the idea of the poem tho. nice job. ;)
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by wastedROMANCEx | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this! You conveyed a ton of emotion, particularly at the end. Not too many people love someone enough to willingly walk away so that the other could be happy. This person's ultimate happiness is most important to you and that is awesome. Nice write!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]



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