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Come Around


Author: hybridmagnolia
ASL Info:    19/male
Elite Ratio:    3.44 - 198 /273 /75
Words: 87
Class/Type: Poetry /Friendship
Total Views: 1046
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 523



Description:


I was challenged to write a poem where the rhyme scheme didn't change at all. why? i don't know. we were bored.
at any rate
enjoy or don't. that's all up to you.


Come Around



Words cannot break, but yours break me down
Each sound that you make brings me to the ground
Slowly, my chest begins to pound
Simply when you come around
And all of this may seem profound
As you treat me like the lowly clown
Till you perfect world becomes unwound
When all is lost, I shall be found
In words of sweet and silent sound
In books that have never once been bound
Seek the comfort to invert your frown
From me each time you come around




Submitted on 2005-06-27 05:12:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  loved the first line..very good opening...lowly clown...that does seem a little strained, but like you said it was a challenge to keep the same rhyme scheme...so it works..."in books that have never once been bound"...wow thats a mouthful...this is pretty cool...good job

rhaine
| Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]
  Not bad as responses to challenges go. You've done an admirable job with the rhyme [far better than I could've]; nice work here.

Peace,

Joey
| Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  This was interesting, I think that using the rhyme scheme is coll, but you have too many filler words in between, You could use the end word to your advantage and make them more powerful by eliminating some of the junk words Ex: the of, it you and me...B
| Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by bluepifany | [ Reply to This ]


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