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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: TO LOVER'S LAND...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xtremegentleman
    ASL Info:    22/m/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 595/778/82
    Words: 322
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1232
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2046



    Description:
       This was something that I just started writing and actually finished this time. Hope you enjoy!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTO LOVER'S LAND...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Come and go with me to a fantasy land
    Where I'm more like "your husband" and not just "your man"
    Where romance is still alive when we don't make plans
    And still feel like "we're each others" when we don't hold hands

    A land where white linens are our garments of choice
    Where we know each other's thoughts through our soul's inner voice
    Where soultry winds on beaches greets the cry of the tides
    Where we don't have to speak because it's all in our eyes

    Follow me to freedom...you should leave all your cares
    On second thought let me help you...I will carry you there
    To a land where candlelights and moons unite
    For dim lights, wine glasses, food and ice

    I'll be precise! Let's go somewhere and fall in love
    To where we compliment each other like a hand and a glove
    Fill me up with passions through your sexy reactions
    Baby, I want you to break me down like a fraction

    Me plus you is one...I always struggled with math
    But with you as my addition I have no need to add
    There's no one who can divide us or subtract from our heart
    They'll only multiply their sorrow trying to keep us apart

    But let me get to the equation which is our relations
    In places where passion is part of embraces
    Where love's foundation is far deeper than matrix
    Where we're pure like Adam and Eve when they were naked

    Face it...This is your destiny...join your Prince
    Dance with me in the ballrooms;awake me with a kiss
    You can be my Cinderella with or without slippers
    In a land where dreams
    Are the actual scenes

    Please? Let us go where soulmates exist
    Where bliss is the object of making a wish
    Let us go to a land where love is free to be
    Baby, delay no further...Let's go to reality




    Submitted on 2005-06-27 11:45:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Mmm this was really good. I loved this! While I read this I could just picture myself in this romantic fantasy/world. Awesome lines in her, too many I liked to write down! This was downright beautiful. But I was just wondering if in this line:"Dance with me in the ballrooms;awake me with a kiss" Did you mean to put ballroomS or did you want to put ballroom. Great job!
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by MurphyGirl44 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this:) but did you mean sultry and not soultry? im not quite sure.. but if you did then that is my only critique.. wonderful. Sensual and almost subtle.
    ~*~amber~*~
    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by rocknpoetrychik | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how you make this reality the supperical one that was interesting i really like this peice and that is coming from a cynic about love but this was really good a definate fave.. lol i dont know if im as much the cyinc about love as i thought if i can find this peice to be a really well written and thought out peice. great job X...Joy
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      nice one man i liked how you kept going back and forth from diffrent things such as math then to cinderalla but then all in all straight to that "place" i also liked the humor and while keeping a serious thought throughout the piece and maybe embraces should be embracing but i dunno. good job on the write real nice, and it pissess me off to see so many people view but noone comments i hate that. oh well f em all

    just business
    dylanpoe
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by dylanpoe | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, X, this is showing the true nature of your name (and not Brian, either)
    I got a neat little transposition of the fantasy and love poem interspersed with some influences from your street stuff, and it all mixed very well, a couple of typos, but who cares?
    Nice sentiments, and some remembered moments "Me plus you is one" classic!

    Great writing,
    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this poem because i had givin up on guys and thought that they dont want love but you have changed my mind and i am glad that you feel this way about a woman and make sure you tell her all the time.
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by endmypain | [ Reply to This ]
      Well first...I read your journal. I would like to give you a huge congratulations. I'm so happy for you. It has always been a dream of mine to travel the world...or at least part of it. Its as if you are fulfilling my dream...that is wonderful. I am again truely happy for you and congrats. Your so talented. :)

    This was such a good poem. I enjoyed it so much. The flow went right through...If that makes sence.

    Baby, I want you to break me down like a fraction

    That was my favorite line throughout this. I also really liked the title...Again WONDERFUL Job!!!

    Mikki
    <3
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really beautiful! Very warm and passionate, full of emotion and genuine feeling. I enjoyed every line! It is so well written, the rhyme and flow are great! I cant find anything that I dont like about it! It just makes me smile when I read it! You have wonderful talent, and I especially like this heartfelt one! Take care!

    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This was you X...all the way. You came to a very sensual level on this. I really enjoyed it.

    *whispers* You may want to fix...
    Baby, I won't you to break me down like a fraction...WON'T should be WANT.

    And I kind of got lost on the second to last stanza. BUT...I can overlook that.

    WELCOME BACK BRIAN COLLIER. WE HAVE MISSED YOU.

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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    64441

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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