Losing Reality by throughmyvoice

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Submission Name: Losing Reality dots

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Author:	throughmyvoice
ASL Info:	15/f/US of A
Elite Ratio:	3.66 - 69/112/46
Words:	138

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	200
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	832

Description:
yeah, i'm cliché

i can't help i am common

Losing Reality dots

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Sometimes I lose my grasp of reality
All I have to do is open my fist
And out falls pieces of friendships that gave me gravity
The ones I keep crossing off of my lists

I listen to the thunder of the music
And the pounding of my feet, invisible and soft
Running from pain and a life not of my choosing
But if family and friends is found, then I choose lost

Sometimes I stop and realize I don't feel real
I actually don't believe that I exist
Emotions so bland I can't even feel
Death pouring out when I slit my wrists

And when I watch the dark blood pooling on the ground
It reflects my face back towards me
Bitter and tear-streaked; and then I drown
In my own self-deserved misery

Submitted on 2005-06-27 17:48:00 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  I found this poem so like something that I would write that it was weird; needles to say I relate. I think it flows awesomely and gives clear imagery and you give good description throughout.

Sometimes I lose my grasp of reality
All I have to do is open my fist
And out falls pieces of friendships that gave me gravity
The ones I keep crossing off of my lists

I feel like that right about now! So know you're not alone... whereabouts do you live, you could be my twin... same feelings same age same gender lol. Good work
| Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
  I really enjoyed reading this piece. I agree that the last stanza seemed a little lost and affected the rhythm of your poem. Otherwise it was really good and i look forward to reading more.
Candi
| Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
  Although the subject is dealt with a lot (I've written about it too) I've not seen this perspecitve where you kind of lose touch with reality. I liked it a lot. Nice job!
| Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
  And that has been done before... what it has. Anyway it is a good write. I couldn't find a mistake yet, the flow was great, I could see your despare. Yeah it was good. The thing that I thought was wrong though wasthe last stanza...

"And when I watch the dark blood pooling on the ground
It reflects my face back towards me
Bitter and tear-streaked; and then I drown
In my own self-deserved misery"

I though that it sounded a little weird...

"Sometimes I lose my grasp of reality
All I have to do is open my fist
And out falls pieces of friendships that gave me gravity
The ones I keep crossing off of my lists"

This is the one stanza though that stood out to me and said LIKE IT... sorry I am not normally like this... This is an average poem that could use work but is wonderful at the same time. So good job. THNX

- Nammy

P.S. - I hate giving people information on how to write better, I think that they should figure out on their own.
| Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]

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