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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Losing Realitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: throughmyvoice
    ASL Info:    19/f/US of A
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 69/113/51
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 746
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 832



    Description:
       yeah, i'm cliché

    i can't help i am common


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLosing Realitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes I lose my grasp of reality
    All I have to do is open my fist
    And out falls pieces of friendships that gave me gravity
    The ones I keep crossing off of my lists

    I listen to the thunder of the music
    And the pounding of my feet, invisible and soft
    Running from pain and a life not of my choosing
    But if family and friends is found, then I choose lost

    Sometimes I stop and realize I don't feel real
    I actually don't believe that I exist
    Emotions so bland I can't even feel
    Death pouring out when I slit my wrists

    And when I watch the dark blood pooling on the ground
    It reflects my face back towards me
    Bitter and tear-streaked; and then I drown
    In my own self-deserved misery




    Submitted on 2005-06-27 17:48:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I found this poem so like something that I would write that it was weird; needles to say I relate. I think it flows awesomely and gives clear imagery and you give good description throughout.

    Sometimes I lose my grasp of reality
    All I have to do is open my fist
    And out falls pieces of friendships that gave me gravity
    The ones I keep crossing off of my lists

    I feel like that right about now! So know you're not alone... whereabouts do you live, you could be my twin... same feelings same age same gender lol. Good work
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading this piece. I agree that the last stanza seemed a little lost and affected the rhythm of your poem. Otherwise it was really good and i look forward to reading more.
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      Although the subject is dealt with a lot (I've written about it too) I've not seen this perspecitve where you kind of lose touch with reality. I liked it a lot. Nice job!
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      And that has been done before... what it has. Anyway it is a good write. I couldn't find a mistake yet, the flow was great, I could see your despare. Yeah it was good. The thing that I thought was wrong though wasthe last stanza...

    "And when I watch the dark blood pooling on the ground
    It reflects my face back towards me
    Bitter and tear-streaked; and then I drown
    In my own self-deserved misery"

    I though that it sounded a little weird...

    "Sometimes I lose my grasp of reality
    All I have to do is open my fist
    And out falls pieces of friendships that gave me gravity
    The ones I keep crossing off of my lists"

    This is the one stanza though that stood out to me and said LIKE IT... sorry I am not normally like this... This is an average poem that could use work but is wonderful at the same time. So good job. THNX

    - Nammy

    P.S. - I hate giving people information on how to write better, I think that they should figure out on their own.
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]


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