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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Works in Progressdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JKPS613
    ASL Info:    21 / f / GA / USA
    Elite Ratio:    2.99 - 388/377/47
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 866
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 638



    Description:
       These are all unwritten excerpts from my mind. I haven't found the inspiration (yet) to finish them. Ideas would really be great. Here's some background info on each one:
    -----
    First: Actually, that has been written. I wrote it in a letter to my ex-boyfriend, but it was the only part of the letter I actually liked. And I revised it a little bit on here, because before it was clear that it was written to someone, and that just doesn't fit anymore.
    -----
    Second: I wrote this to be the beginning of a story about a stalker. Can you see it?
    -----
    Third: My December is a really good Linkin Park song that I can't get enough of, and I started to imagine what my own December would be. I hate winter, by the way.
    -----
    Fourth: Anyone who has ever actually read Pinnochio should get this reference. I mean, the Field of Dreams might be mentioned in the movie, but the book is so amazing, even though I'm seventeen. I also wrote it to be more of a song than a poem, but with the right structure, it'll work either way.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWorks in Progressdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If love is too common a theme than I am by far too common a person. I speak too common a language and I live too common a life.
    -----
    "If I could write as well as you, I cannot claim I would never seek depression, but I can promise that I would make my suffering appear beautiful."
    -----
    Spring is finished.
    Summer fades.
    Fall has died.
    Winter now takes center stage.
    This life is my December,
    This day that I lose you.
    -----
    While you trample on me
    At the Field of Dreams
    All the fools are dancing
    To their get-rich-quick schemes




    Submitted on 2005-06-27 17:52:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i love the first. very simple and honest. honesty is the best policy. may i quote you? hah, love ash. in time i'll give a better comment - promise.
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      "Spring is finished.
    Summer fades.
    Fall has died.
    Winter now takes center stage.
    This life is my December,
    This day that I lose you."
    I LOVED THAT!
    It was written very nicely and I can't critique something that seems to need no suggestions.
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by Lies | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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