Description: I don't know about this one. Tell me what you make of it. Be totally honest.
Pure Anger -------------------------------------------
A clouded storm
brews just above
A haze is forming
around her head
Thunder claps
and rumbles quietly at first
Lightning iluminates the night sky
Daggers form inside her eyes
as the storm gets stronger
Rain penitrates the stifling air
crushing the waist high grass
Winds are racing to catch you
shooting rain drops like arrows
hitting your already raw skin
you've angered her you fool!
you stupid ignorant child!
you must pay for what you've done
lighting hits the ground before you
missing you ever so close
run my child
but you can't hide
no one can escape her wrath.
Well, honestly, I thought it was pretty good. Imagery is a great tool to use, and metaphor even greater. I reckon you've used both well here, as I'm guessing it's about child abuse. A couple of typos or spellig mistakes and what the hell is "siffleing air" do you mean "stifling?" I know people don't want to get picked up on spelling, but it can stop a reader in mid-flow and detract from the poem, so, in my opinion, it's extremely important.
Your descriptions of anger were admirable vivid! When I began reading it, I envisioned the angered one alone and you caught me off guard when you wrote of a second character. Perhaps you could hint at a second person sooner? You also misspelled waste, it should be waist. Simple mistake. Other than that, this poem was great reading for the mind! Keep writing!
Ok this is what i go out of it. I can see it being one of 2 things...either a little girl is running from a storm, or is being abussed and trying to run from it. I'm not sure if i'm right. Thats just what I got out of it. I thought it was good. It had good imagery in it too. Let me know if i'm write on the description. Keep writing...
Submission Name: Pure Anger
