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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Family Plandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: throughmyvoice
    ASL Info:    19/f/US of A
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 69/113/51
    Words: 713
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 742
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4306



    Description:
       if emotions were a drink i would have spilled my cup on a piece of paper, along with my tears


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFamily Plandots
    -------------------------------------------


    Daddy. Oh, oh, Daddy.

    What happened to your baby girl?
    The one you used to toss and catch in the air
    And play with her curls
    Well Daddy, you tossed and you let go
    Now where sheíll land she doesnít know
    And all she cries for is to go home
    But home is where it hurts
    Daddy, daddy, why, oh why
    Must you control her?
    Please donít make her cry
    Donít smack her like that
    It hurts more than you know why
    She loves you; but she knows you just refuse to know
    The hell she lives in when youíre not home
    How can you let her live such agony?
    And then you hide behind your papers
    And pretend you donít see
    Hand her your money, but take away your time
    Give her things
    But never what she needs
    Daddy, youíre letting your baby girl die

    Brother. Oh, my baby brother.

    Daddyís son and the delight of my mother,
    Growing up, raised together
    And endured so much; youíve never been better
    Than you are now, and little brother
    Iím really proud
    Youíre the pride and joy of the family
    Youíre everything Mom and Daddy wanted you to be
    I know Iím disappointing
    Next to your steel, Iím a stain
    The spotlightís not right for me
    And Iím too preoccupied with pain
    But maybe, little brother, if you can spare
    Iíd like some leftover love, if you think you can share
    Or maybe less taunting, and less mockery
    Stop saying Iím fat and stupid
    Stop adding to my misery
    You have no idea, what it is to be a shadow
    You have no idea; youíre too perfect and shallow

    Mom. Oh, Mom.

    Where did we go wrong?
    When did we go from a mother and daughter
    To a bitch and a brat, and this internal slaughter
    Mommy, Mommy, I want your approval so
    I want your comforting me
    I want your hold
    Why couldnít you ever sing me to sleep?
    Did you realize all the time I would weep?
    Actually, Mommy, when the nightmares came
    When the monsters and demons drooled
    And showed all their fangs
    And when you made the little girl stay in the dark of her room
    And just told her to pray
    Sheíd shiver and just a little, sheíd cry
    Then sheíd shut her eyes tight
    And whisper her own lullaby
    And now the only song you sing to her
    Is that of lectures
    With a chorus of, ďYouíre a failure,Ē
    And a bridge of , ďWhy canít you be better?Ē
    I love hearing that Iím always wrong
    And that Iím not as good as you want
    I love hearing Iím too dumb
    Iím sorry that Iím out-of-control
    And that Iím rude and wild
    Iím sorry that Iím ďa waste of your lifeĒ
    But MommyÖIím still your child
    Canít you open your ears and heart
    And let your daughter in?
    Put down your fist and look at me
    I already have cuts and bruises on my skin
    ďCause of all your problemsĒ
    ĒCrazy, psychotic, evil, mean,Ē okay
    Iím sorry Iím tearing apart this ďfamilyĒ
    And by the way Mom, I donít pray

    So Mommy, at night, I listen to you and Daddy fight
    And your nagging and screaming and Dadís thunder
    And the hits and cries that burn and bite
    And though my brother slept peacefully
    I didnít end up so lucky
    So donít wonder why I canít sleep at night

    And Daddy, you can ignore me and my problems
    But the drugs and the booze wonít
    And neither will this knife
    And if you insist on denying all this
    I will end my own strife

    And baby brother, be as perfect as you please
    Youíre not the one down on your knees
    And looking at your lunch in the swirl of water
    Trying to be a beautiful and perfect daughter
    You donít see the scars on arms and thighs
    You donít get lost in the liquor and the highs
    And you never wish you could disappear or die

    Because if you did, they would cry

    Iím sorry family, that Iíve turned out so bad
    I guess I wasnít included in the family plan





    Submitted on 2005-06-27 21:15:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I didn't really like the poem in the begining, vut as it started to progress it got better. A somewhat shakey start was backed by such an explosion of vivid detail and raw nerve was depicted as you pcked uo the root of your pain. So MUCH EMOTION packed into a couple of stanzas.
    It was a beautiful
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by Enslaved Shonen | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my god this was an fu<k!ng fantastic write. The power throughout this is so captivating and touching. The poem just pulls you in through so much description and emotion; the main ones being pain and heartache. This was so good; honestly the way you set it out and told your story worked fantastically.
    Daddy. Oh, oh, Daddy.
    Brother. Oh, my baby brother.
    Mom. Oh, Mom.
    That just worked so well and then bringing all the stories together at the end. You should be so proud of this, if you can't find any other positives think of how all this has given you great poetry.

    I relate so much to how you feel; and I too have prince charming/ mr. perfect for a brother.

    You donít see the scars on arms and thighs
    You donít get lost in the liquor and the highs
    And you never wish you could disappear or die

    Because if you did, they would cry

    Iím sorry family, that Iíve turned out so bad
    I guess I wasnít included in the family plan

    That was SO so awesome. This was the best thing I have read in ages; wonderful work. Keep writing, I hope to see more
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      Whew...! So this was an excerpt from the other posts, so I already shed my tears there...yippee...I dont have to do it again. Anyway, keep yo chin up and keep smilin...

    Dern it...now I have to go and write something sad...hee-hee...
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know where to begin. OK this is very, very good, in a number of ways. Poetically, it tells its story well, putting forth the desolation and emotions extremely well. The different chapters dedicated to the different family members works really well, each with their own faults and reasons for your heartaches and miserable life.

    It drags the reader in, never bogs down or gets boring, and has no glaring typos or spelling errors.

    Yet, it has the simplicity and easy-to-read properties of something you just jotted down as your thoughts tumbled out.

    So, it's very good, and, apart from the subject matter, I really enjoyed reading, very thought-provoking and depressing.

    From a personal point of view, nothing I can say can make your life any better, but, if you want, I'll give you a monkey stamp for writing such a great piece, and say I'm sorry that life (so far) hasn't been as good as it could.
    Despite everything, try and
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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