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    dots Submission Name: strar stricken cloudy nightdots

    Author: hidden lady
    ASL Info:    28/female/nebraska
    Elite Ratio:    4.47 - 116/118/30
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 675
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 642

       I was sitting in a park late at night, the skiy was thick with clouds and as I yearned to see the stars I looked down on teh surface of the water.

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    dotsstrar stricken cloudy nightdots

    the lgihts on the pond
    remind me of stars
    shimmering in the sky
    like your eyes did the first
    time we kissed.

    the wind blowing through my
    hair was like your strong slender
    fingers rustling and idoly looking
    for the tangles in my soul.

    like your warm breath carressing
    my neck the first time we made love

    the ecstassy of joy running
    through my body in shudders.


    I look at my watch the night
    has betrayed me and let time
    pass me by.
    the moment is at an end
    I must go.

    Submitted on 2005-06-27 23:16:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i liked it but as the person before me noted there are some misspelled words in this write. But i do like the imagry and the flow quite a lot. The style is very unique and i love it, keep it up:)
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by samyalone | [ Reply to This ]
      i love it. its clear and the lines arw well writen. the feel was like you were talk to your self in your head about things you wanted to say and you put the reader their. it reminds me of how some poeple think befor they write a poem it clean and honst. i do have a few lines in mind that i like with a lot of reasons but ill just put 1:like your warm breath carressing
    my neck the first time we made love..it flows with the poem and its real and warm. well i like it lol thanks
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by BlackLace | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed the journal/diary feel of this write, which has a genuine intimacy. There are a number of misspelled words, which detrat from the read (the title included.) All in all, I found this a very moving write.
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]

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