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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Esperanzadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wordsofmind
    ASL Info:    18/F/Quebec, Canada
    Elite Ratio:    5.51 - 175/174/54
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 259
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 733



    Description:
       I don't think it needs any explanation. It's understandable enough. Well at least I think. I don't know about you. I'm rather proud of this. Although I do think that the third stanza could use some work. And perhaps the rythm isn't that right. Ah, I don't know.


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    dotsEsperanzadots
    -------------------------------------------


    She left on a journey
    To places most dismal
    Where happiness was gloom,
    A new life was another death,
    The color white was the color black,
    And hope never in presence.

    To the cloudy sky,
    (The black)
    She gave the sun
    (The white)
    Who fed the withered trees.
    Out came the birds
    And crooned their cheery song
    That roused the dead neighborhoods
    Who no longer felt a deathly despair.

    Her name was Esperanza.
    And hope she did give
    To places most dismal
    Where gloom is now happiness,
    Death changed to life,
    The color white hid the color black,
    And hope never dies.




    Submitted on 2005-06-28 00:06:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey. I know you've had this posted ofr a while, well for over a year, but I'm sure you will have no objections to a new comment. Luckily in Spanish, I have just learned what Esperanza ment, so I was like cool, Esperanza Hope, this could be cool. And then as I read, I was like, ya, awesome. I tihnk your right, the last stanza could use some work.
    "Her name was Esperanza,
    And hope she did give.
    To places most dismal
    Where gloom last existed, happiness,
    Death changed to life,
    The colour white hid the color black.
    Hope never dies. "
    Just a little suggestion. And in Canada, we spell 'color' colour!!! I noticed you were Canadain so I just had to say that. GO CANADA!!! Anyways, good job and keep writing, I'm gonna go see a newer write now. Thanks,
    ~Caotic~
    | Posted on 2006-09-10 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the idea in this poem is nice. It's a good poem. In the last stanza, I think your problem is with verb tense. You move between past and present tense almost randomly and it is a little confusing. I would suggest making it all one tense, and I'd suggest making it all present tense to really set it aside from the rest of the poem... to really show the change.
    "Her name IS Esperanza.
    And hope she GIVES
    To places most dismal
    Where gloom is now happiness,
    Death changed to life,
    The color white HIDES the color black,
    And hope never dies. "
    That's my thoughts. You could keep it past tense as well.
    In the second stanza I'm interested to know why you chose to put your color words in brackets and not simply say
    "To the Black sky
    She gave the White sun"
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem.
    clever choice of words, I think. Esperanza=hope in Spanish...(clever very clever, nice)
    black and white in a constant fight...nice symbolism
    and hope making its journey to the hopeless.
    Not much to say about this one, but that it straight has a point, where there is hope, there is life.
    enjoyed the read thank you,
    jc prescott
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]
      *claps* spot on old chap. When it started out i couldn't help but thing... wow this seems like some kinda morbid alice in wonderland... but it wasn't... at least as i percieved... it's a poem of hope... of possibilty... that something beautiful may be out there... that perhaps all it takes is a little beauty to turn a world around... I'm glad i read this, and am happy to be the first to comment (at least as i'm writing this now there is no comments)... I'm sorry i have no advice to give but this piece really doesn't need it... it's yours... from your head and heart... it's says what you want it to say... it's perfect... well done madam... take care of yourself and i hope to hear from you as well
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]


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