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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Of Love Lostdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Shadows Life
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 127/127/27
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 894
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1042



    Description:
       well here i dont know exactly what im trying to do. I guess im trying to draw this portrait of a lover who has lost his love so he stands here by a cliff on the sea as nature whole tries to soothe his pain :P well i hope you enjoy it :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOf Love Lostdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Dawn casts upon him, feeble rays of light
    the angels stop in wonder, weeping at his plight

    He makes his gifts to heaven, of tears and bitter pain
    the sky above takes pity, and offers him the rain

    the birds of spring sing softly, lest he remember woe
    the ocean sways him gently, in its ebb and flow

    As he drifts to slumber with a gentle sigh
    his wails echo through the valleys, making mountains cry

    the arms of night now fall, to wipe away his tears
    the pale moon slowly rises, soothing all his fears

    and the roses of the night blossom in the dark
    but even sweet aroma, cannot heal love's mark

    he lay there in the darkness, his world falling apart.
    his hands crimson red, bleeding from his heart.

    The earth stopped its turning, and the winds grew still.
    as cupid drew another arrow, to finally seal the kill.











    Submitted on 2005-06-28 11:36:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      if someone would like to direct a comment at this piece plz look at The nature of love its a repost of this witrh a few editings thx :)
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by Shadows Life | [ Reply to This ]
      oooo...I loved the last two lines. Often people forget that lil ol cupid is in fact a hunter...and lucky are those that he hunts down. This had some really cool rhyme patterns and just sucked the reader in. I think you did a good job. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the Nature inclinations used in this write to express your thoughts, very cre8ive. I also like how it reads. It seems he's given up on life because of lost love. He had all of nature weeping with him (I like that part).. it shows great emotions felt.. like his heart was filled with such sadness that all of earth felt it too. And the last line where cupids arrow shoots another blow that ends it all. Very dramatic.
    Take care!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this pretty good work, though the stanza

    'As he drifts to slumber with a gentle sigh
    his wails echo through the valleys, making mountains cry'

    kind of sticks out from the others; don't know whether you should just cut it try to rework it. Nice write here.

    Peace,

    Joey
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent write...that's just what popped into my head first...its very well worded, with a nice rhyme scheme and flow, nothing awkward about it...you really captured the feeling of loosing love and of saddness which most people can't do without some poem that goes on and on forever...while the idea behind this (that is lost love) isn't quite original the way you provoke the emotions with so few lines really makes up for that and makes it creative...keep up the great work, sorry i don't have any helpful suggestions for you
    p.s. if this is something that happened to you i'm sorry you had to go through it and although time probably won't heal it it'll at least start to numb the pain
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww, this is saddening. If thats a word. Anyways, interesting how you used mother nature to soothe a sad soul than time. They say time heals all, but isn't it funny that whenever you are feeling sad, somehow nature is there to comfort you? If you have a pet you will understand what I am talking about. Even so, if you don't and you are deeply saddened, look around and you will see other ways. This was a nice write, good job
    ~Kat
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]


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