What I don't understand is how this Bi tch remained aflame when all these trees were around and the wind was blowing.
Kind of convoluted in a poetical license kind of way...even if the majority of it relies on figurative speech. Gives it charm.
This is your poem and I realize that...duh...but when i read the line before the last, I read And as the word "As"...wanting it to be just so. I thought about the meaning of both, and I think As kind of puts a re-emphasis on your original pathos.
Askin "If" lends energy to either possibility, which belongs to your poem?
well, i have time now...anyways, i thought that this has great potential. i like the metaphors that you use in this, and i think that they can be expanded upon and made into a great piece of work. this is already great as it is, but it could be made extra great. if you are going to add more, let me know, i would like to see how it turns out. great work alex!
hmm. well, length doesnt really matter but it could be longer only because it feels like there is more to say. after reading it seemed to me that you could of added a bit more without losing that suspense you gave with your words. its just me but i like words that give out emotions and images. yours gave me images and emotions. had that lonesome gray sad type feel. hard to describe. i loved how you described every little thing. you gave so much detail.
The trees bore silent witness
The winds howled no mourning songs
The clouds gushed no salted tears
loved those lines. makes the piece more interesting. lovely.
I can't think of how to improve on this, except to make it longer. It's an interesting poem, very open to the reader's interpretation, my take on it was a life story quickly told, from birth to death, and all the disappointments in between. If you extend it, bring some of her life highlights into it, to tell how she ended up alone and miserable. Very well done, Be Happy
Potential huh? Well, everything has a way to make it better. Someone told me (and I will never forget) that when you write something, hate it. Just absolutely HATE IT. and when you look over it, there will always be something to improve. Becuase you critisize it right down to the period (so to say) That's my advice, if you want to make it better. But I think its a really good piece. Anyways, good luck. ~Kat