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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tiny Dancer *revised*dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Indigo Kid
    ASL Info:    33/f/everywhere
    Elite Ratio:    3.73 - 428/438/115
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 808
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 963



    Description:
       some changes


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTiny Dancer *revised*dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her tiny hands delicately
    stroke my sleeping arm
    so softly to wake me
    before the sun, speaking
    quietly with the scent
    of baby powder
    lavender lotion and
    last nights shampoo
    reminding me that I need
    to brush my teeth
    more then she does.

    The wisdom of
    the ancients is
    carried in those
    chestnut eyes
    of my little ballerina,
    airy and light hair mingling
    with the afternoon sunshine,
    dancing after butterflies
    and playing with
    feather boas
    and magic sticks.

    As she runs across the yard
    in pink toes stained green
    from the fresh cut lawn,
    to hug my legs tightly,
    determined to show me
    that my love for her is
    the most cherished and needed
    in the four years of her little life,
    I ask myself
    what would I do
    without her?




    Submitted on 2005-06-28 19:26:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I loved reading this. It reminds me of my own daughter (now 16) when she was little. I love the images and senses used in this. Her looks, her scent, and the feel of her tiny hands on you.. very lovely. and the cute little things a little girl does..
    A great write.. your love shows through in every line.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is wonderful-I love everything about it. My only nit is the title-it immediately made me think of the Elton John song, which of course your piece is nothing like. Maybe "My Tiny Dancer" instead? I would also make the last 3 lines a separate stanza. Made this a fave. Excellent work.
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      you must love very much. this poem is one of the best that I have seen. this picture you paint of this little girl you must love so much. it is lovely, the way you described her playing out side
    airy and light hair mingling
    with the afternoon sunshine,
    dancing after butterflies
    and playing with
    feather boas
    and magic sticks.
    it reminds me of when I was little and my dad would play with me, those are the happiest times of a childs life and for the parent as well. you did this masterfully, I liked the way you set up the structure and the way you let it flow as though your heart already new the words and you didn't have to think about it all. it's goin on the faves.
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by hidden lady | [ Reply to This ]
      Thys is just so very awwwwwwwwwwwww... Kind of made me tear up a little bit... (I am being serious) I one day hope to have a daughter. I don't even yet- but I already don't know what I would do without her... I need a moment...

    Okay... Very nice- very. I looked over the other- it is improved. Super nice work, made me feel a little human today. And gave me great hope for my future. Thank you.

    Peace, love and various pieces of string- !SiX!
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice, I must have missed it the first time.
    It paints a lovely picture of a child's clean innocence, and your question at the end was a fitting finish
    Nice job!
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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