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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She Stood Talldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SHRINKSDR
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 476/375/39
    Words: 255
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1256
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1548



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe Stood Talldots
    -------------------------------------------


    She Stood Tall


    She stood so tall, so sturdy and wide
    Her branches, and leaves on winds would ride.
    Her long lovely Limbs were so arrayed
    That to and fro they softly swayed.

    Stretching, twisting, and bending each way
    To greet, and soak up each loving ray.
    As to earth fell summer showers,
    Thirsty roots each drop devours.


    Toes were buried, splayed and deep.
    To steady, to hold and balance keep!
    She scattered clouds with her fingered reach.
    Rejoiced as dawn’s dark horizon was breached.

    She framed my house as she framed my life,
    She eased, and comforted each day’s strife.
    A true old friend now sick and aged
    To support and save her a war we waged!

    Cut her back and Cabled each limb,
    but all attempts to cut and to trim,
    Just stayed a moment, the Reaper Grim.

    Stump it! The Surgeon finally cried!
    Never! Not her! I vociferously replied.

    Cut if you must her lovely protrusions.
    Keep her standing! (Tho’ I had few illusions)
    I will not have my sanctuary desecrated!
    Leave her standing to be consecrated.

    I look with sad and wetted eyes
    This true and noble giants’ demise

    Sometimes at dusk, with my eyes half-closed
    Like phantom limbs Her branches grow,
    Once again and high above me
    Towers our lovely Maple Tree!




    Submitted on 2005-06-28 20:57:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      How touching!
    Its not so often that you see a poetic tribute to a piece of nature in your front lawn!
    Trees have stories to tell. They really do. If I were a tree, I'd keep a daily journal!
    There are so many things in life that we walk past, and fail to appreciate for their beauty. And most men wouldn't miss a tree if it didn't mean anything to them.

    nice write mr!

    -ishoes
    | Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by iShoes | [ Reply to This ]
      This was touching. The way you gave "her" a personality. For you to have heart for a tree...that shows your purity. And you are obviously nothing but. THis was amazing. The description was off the ricter scale!

    You have a way with words. You can make poetry look so easy.

    Great write!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I've just read both versions of this and I think I like this one best. That's a little odd for me, as I'm not typically a big fan of structure. For this piece though it seems to work better.

    I really liked the piece and I didn't get any sense of sarcasm at all. Trees are pretty majestic things and when you share your property with one for 20, 30 or 40 years, you begin to see them as a permanent piece of the earth, like a mountain. Unfortunately, they aren't permanent and they sometimes pass out of our lives.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Its a tree for crying out loud!

    Oh wait a second. Ohhhh.

    You're being sarcastic. I see.

    The meter in this thing works well, and your word choice, while passionate on the surface, really seems to falsify any real feelings toward the tree. Its quite like something you'd create for a spectacle for people to look at, of the tree's memory...but you are capable of writing that without giving a damn about the tree, just as someone whose never even seen the blessed tree.

    Clever in construction, but just not very convincing to me. Not at all.

    MyX
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      Been there, done that. (The tree thing I mean)
    It's so sad to see the demise of a tree. I can remember coming home after work to find my son sitting under the Tree of Heaven in the backyard strumming away on his acoustic guitar. As far as the rhyming goes. I only had a problem with two lines.
    As to earth fell summer showers
    Thirsty roots each drop devours.
    The lines in themself are good, but they just dont seem to fit with the 2 previous lines.
    Perhaps:
    As to earth fell soft summer showers
    Thirsty roots; each drop did devour.
    I write a lot in rhyme and the hardest part is keeping the flow even in a rhythmic sense.
    I really enjoyed the read. Great work.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I've read them both and they are each excellent in their own way. I know I do a lot of rhyming in my own writes.. but for this particular subject, and maybe just the way you brought it out, I would have to say that the first one held more "feeling" for me. I enjoyed then both however and either way it holds a punch in getting what you wanted to get out there. I'd keep them both.. they are very well written.
    We have a huge Oak in our backyard that I hope will remain for quite a long time to come..my kids played on it when they were young... and it provides great shade for us still.
    A very enjoyable read.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm...i'm not a huge fan of rhyming...but i liked this. Mainly, because of the imagery. Since most of us have a tree that we regard quite fondly, most readers can relate(i had a favorite tree, it was cut down to make more room for a parking lot, what a load of crock!)
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by fabulousAMY | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good, and the rhyming shceme fit well. But I like the free verse version better. I don't really know why, but in some ways, it just seems to be more emotional, and I prefered it.
    Good job though.
    ~Kriss
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]
      good imagery n i think its cool that ur writing about a tree.. even tho ppl do it all the time i jus like this version better.. keep up the good work <3 ash
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      You have done a spectacular job here, Steve! I don't think I am going to have much in the way of suggestions. The rhyming doesn't feel forced. You have painted a nice picture. And even though you change the number of lines per stanza in places, the thoughts in those other numbered stanzas are separated enough that it actually seems to be appropriate.

    I cna't pick a favorite though. They are both wonderful in their own ways.

    You have done well, my friend.
    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this and thought the flow and rhyme scheme were pretty right on. If I may make a suggestion, in the 2nd line, I think windswept ride or something sounds better ~ the would seemed cumbersome. After that it was all good!
    Nice to pay tribute to nature!
    Love,Peace,Joy!
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not one for rhyme. I stopped writing in this style a while ago, but you do it well. Like versifier, i haven't read the free-verse one either, but i'm sure that would be written just as beautifully as this one. It reminds me of a son and a mother. There's a verse talking about toes being buried and i picture a healthy, young woman so full of life basking in the glory of the sand with the wind blowing in her hair - her kids playing around her. She gets older, as we all will one day, and then begins a new journey elsewhere. I love this piece because of it's not so obvious simplicity and this is the first time i've read one of your pieces. Thanks for sharing this with us.

    Faith
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by calling eve | [ Reply to This ]
      well i havnt heard the free-verse version but this one is really good. great imagery and fantastic personification of a treee... wich was probably a symbol for someone who was dear in your life. That was great poetic verses and descriptions... some rhyming seemed a bit forced or unworthy of this poem but for the most part it was a very well done rhyme scheme. fantastic... enjoyed the poem very much
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by Versifier | [ Reply to This ]
      This is heavenly. Nature in a poem is hard to come by these days.
    As for the rhyming with 'showers' and 'devours'
    Please keep it the way it is. The other way is not your style.
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by Tarwen Nevle | [ Reply to This ]
      Well Steve, now I have read both versions of this and I really like them both! They each have their own qualities to them making each just as special and meaningful as the other. Therefore I cannot give a preference. I can say, however, that I enjoyed them both very much. And it is really touching that you can feel this way about a tree! I can understand this very well as I love my plants and trees in my yard and have had several trees here for years that I just love. I would be devestated to lose any of them! It is wonderful that you share this sensitivity for nature and her beauty. I love how you have attached the hammock to it! I am sure this tree is just smiling inside! Very nice poem! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


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