Description: He he. If you want to know me, realize I laughed for 15 minutes straight when I wrote the last 4 lines of this poem. Of course I was on an airplane and other's didn't appreciate it.
Anyway, this is a continuation on the hypocrisy theme. I swear I'm going to write a book called "airport poetry" since this is the source of my greatest inspiration.
Anyway anyway, I do reallze that the term "edifice" is supposed to refer to "A building, especially one of imposing appearance or size", but it also means "An elaborate conceptual structure." And, in my mind, structure doesn't have to mean a building.
Enjoy and let me know what you think!
as always, I am *giggling*
!n3pt
ode to human behavior -------------------------------------------
human behavior
rears its
ugly head
and we cringe
avert our eyes
distort our face
in complete
and utter
disgust
such a pathetic lot
are we
self-centered
self-serving
selfish
selfish
selfish
even kindness
mostly a ruse;
a disguise to mask the
agenda:
“love one another”
mantra of the hypocrite
displaying edifices
of belief
and piety
but the voice who first
muttered this epitaph
so pure
so genuine
so abused
so mocked
so misrepresented
so selfless
so......................................forgotten
I vomit my sensitivities
and decorate the selfish
with jewels
of disdain
It makes it hard on a guy to come here and comment after Twacky has already taken most of what I'd like to say and made it his own. Guess that's why I connect with KC so much.
I've enjoyed the hypocrisy theme and found that I liked those 3 poems the most, and named 2 of them favorites. You know I agree with your essential message, and I feel the same sickness . . . and as KC said, I suppose we're all guilty of it from time to time, self-absorbed, as you said . . . sometimes by nature and sometimes by necessity and time constraints and lives that are like herd animals being driven by electrified cattle prods.
Doesn't leave a lot of time to stop and show your best side to your fellow travelers, does it?
But then there are the TRULY selfish and I despise these creatures with a passion that goes beyond words . . .
Nice job, bud. And that concludes my reviews of your present poems posted . . . and I thank you for sharing all of them. I've enjoyed reading them and hope you'll post more soon.
"even kindness mostly a ruse; a disguise to mask the agenda:"
...ah, the heart and soul of the poem. and a relevant subject that everyone can relate to. this is the sort of poem that stands in the corner like a rabid dog...sick with it all, and just plain sick...ready to finally turn on its master, a phantasmagoric, bloody-gore-duel-to-the-death.
Please forgive the ensuing ramble, or just plain disregard it entirely (I'm exhausted..i'm delirious..blah, blah, blah...i do have too much Cannibal Corpse, Morbid Angel, etc. floating around in my head though).
Anyway...what i was going to say is that this poem strikes at the heart of the matter, doesn't it? Everyone who reads this must reach a point where they become a little uneasy at the thought of 'like me' or 'like me...sometimes'. Guess i can only speak for myself, but we're all selfish to a lesser or greater degree.
Upon first reading this poem, i was you, vomiting. The second time around i was the one you were vomiting on. So...just like in real life...it really all depends on the day.
Love the line breaks, very immediate, fast-moving.
Can't connect 'epitaph' with 'mantra' in my mind (that is the antecedant right?). You've got the right idea bro', you just need a more fitting word.
I'm glad to have crossed paths with you here on elite, and i'm glad that i finally have something substantial to say to you.
Those last four lines are exactly what i was hoping to see from you. Your 'world view'...your 'mein'...your 'agenda' shines through in all of your poems, but not like this.
Funny? Fu.ck me! the lines leading up to the end build to a crescendo of wit, criticism...biting, venomous, uncompromising...
...and most of all-'poetic'
'vomit my sensitivities' that's a line i wish i'd thought of...now i want to steal it. Seems to me to be the observation of an "artist" more than anything. An important part of our identity...yes?
Decorate all of your convictions in such ornamental language.
Ahh Another truely provoking piece! I enjoyed this one thoroughly! Another favourite for sure. I Believe you have a true talent for expressing yourself in quite a unique way. "I vomit my sensitivities and decorate the selfish with jewels of disdain" Didnt exactly make me laugh.. it did make my jaw drop tho.. What awesome description you have here... Hell.. that could even be the poem itself! But all in all a great write of course. Out of curiousity are you a catholic of sorts? Being from the baptist bible cartel ive never really known many catholics.. I get a sorta distinct catholic feel from this all the same.. couldnt describe it if i tried. Oh well. Bravo! Ratio M Ducet III (The neander'er)
All the filthy little ashe laden smiles of a worse time, a smoldering heap of selfconcious leap frogs, all the truths are gathered up in the clouds and splashed on the people, on they're environments, on all those cracking and crumbling things right in front of them, yet they never see them...a great misunderstanding in this world, where is the love, the trust, and the discipline...covered by expensive cloth, and wrapped in yellow threads, stuffed in our history books and eaten by a few wicked mongrels that the world calls saviors..but there are more of us that understand, and why do we stay hidden? Its just better that way right now...yes we can swallow the word coward to...but we don't mind, we rather that...then face the sharp pointed eye of the public thereafter..great read again..
I think that everyone has been a hypocrite at one point or another in their life. If not, just keep on living. The society is all of what you described and more. Selfish is a big one especially in the black community. People hate to see others make it so they down them for their achievement. That sucks. Very nice piece here with a whole lot of truth!
I read the comments on this piece and also imagine what a larger group of individuals would say and I think they would all agree. I then ask myself 'If all these people agree most people are hypocrites then who is and who isn't'. Do we act as we do because we think no one else is honest so why should we be? Are we all afraid to show our true feeling for fear of ridicule or rejection? It is a question that many of us have pondered but as of yet none of us seems to be able to answer. The piece is well written. Dan
Oh yeah! This is good. You should have this embossed in a plaque. As a matter-of-fact, business owners should display this one . Some people at their jobs tend to be and act exactly what you have expressed. I bet this poem will make a good old discussion. Truth hurts. Oh well. I liked it. Keep on expressing . Good job! Wanda (bigfineq)
Amusing. Especially since the inspiration came from an airport. (But, what better way to view humanity in its greatest form than at the airport?) As for the last 4 lines, I loved em. I can see why you were laughing for 15 minutes straight. It even made me laugh a bit. This was a good poem, especially for being able to sum up almost the whole world ~Kat
you could've said "Hypocrite" 27 times and thouroughly described the population.that's all we are when you get dow nto that selfish, idiotic nitty-gritty. AND medicare is soooooo high. lol. ~nahlij
This was so hard-hitting. It was like a punch in the face, and this is a compliment. It is so true, and people don't notice that. People are hypocrites, and the last four lines were good i think they are. Very very good, and proffesional, and you got the point across, oh you did. You just described about 95% of the world in a poem, so you should feel uberly proud. Peace and love, Aya
Yeah, the last four lines were pretty amusing to me as well. People watching...one of my favorite recreational activities. And in airports, yeah, you can see them all cantcha. Anyway, nice thoughtful write. Have a good one and keep smilin'...n making yo self giggle.
Ah it was more Venting then a more but well done none the less. And at times i do feel the same way you did when you wrote this. Its was clear i understoud what you were trying to get the reader to see and that was all their. what i think it needs is more words to make you feeling flow and some exsamples to show why you feel this was becuz the reasons you state are short and the dont reach the reader..i think. i think to make it more original it needs that to improve. but nice job keep writen!
I like this! How very true it is! Society as a whole is really going down the crapper if you ask me! Selfishness has taken over! However, try not to stereo-type because there are still a few caring, generous souls out there, just few and far between! Anyway, nice write! Good truthful expression! Airports must inspire you! Take care!
Submission Name: ode to human behavior
