Description: What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?
She drinks to numb her everlasting pain
Sweet poisin runing through her vains
When the sun rises she hides her pain behind a happy fasad
When the sun sets she tries to drink away everything thats happend in her life
Constently she is reminded that she puts up with the heartach because of someone she loves
She knows that she can leave the pain and alcohol but doing that would cause the one she loves pain
So to solve her dilemma she drinks that sweet sweet poison that will one day be the cause of her demise
I really liked this one. I am really interested in your work. Your a very talented writer and I hope you always remember that.
Anyways to the poem, it was really good the only critique is that there were quite a few spelling errors. Which I will get to in the next paragraph.
The second line, poisin should be poison... runing should be running, and vains should be veins. Fourth line down, happend should be happened. Fifth line is heartach and should be heartache. I believe that's it. I always feel bad for writing so much but sometimes we don't notice the small errors we make.
The flow is very nice, not so much rhyming but when you say it the lines are well together and not weird to read, I hope that makes sence to you.
It's funny in a sense to think of the stuff and pain that people go through just to make the ones that they love happy. Even thought they are hurting themselves and making the other person happy sometimes you have to be able to put yourself and your needs before someones that you love.
Anyways excellent write as usual. keep it up! ~manda
vodka? the title just caught my attention. that's some pretty good [censored], depending on what kinda drink u make. anyway i liked this piece because of the meaning behind . people sometimes hurt themselves when trying 2 shelter the ones they love and it all comes back to haunt them in the end.
I got darwn to it at first eye glance because it's named after an alchohal, which is very unique, But the rhyme scheme was undeniable, The meaning of it was tru as you related it to evidence on the streetz. Deep. EZ 2 understand. Well done pup!
this is very good it depends on how you read the poem and the state of mind your in or if you ever have been in this walk of life hmmm now thats confusing ha ha anyways great piece and enjoyable read no bad intent given sandman
I think the title doesnt do the poem justice, although obviously makes sense once you've read the words. Its quite a powerful poem, full of confusion and pain. I can relate to this one so I must say, I love it. Hannah